kees

2006-12-22T18:06:00.000Z

All blogging activity suspended until I get this bloody thesis written. Very very merry Christmas!

2006-12-14T11:28:00.000Z

My goodness. I've not posted anything of substance since Saturday.

Well, I had a great weekend. Did a small bit of work, did a small bit of Christmas shopping then went to stay with Gemma. We got takeaway pizza and watched The Machinist with a freakishly skinny Christian Bale. It was horribly brilliant.

I was pretty jealous of Gemma's very beautiful flat - she's decorated it right nice. And turning 27 this week I felt a bit of a loser that I have yet to qualify and yet to buy a house but my baby sister has done all of these things. But then I'm not prepared to work the crazy hours she does so fair's fair. And I got my own back by flooding her bathroom.

Not my fault. Stupid fancy square taps. I was in the shower and adjusting the cold tap with my foot, a tried and tested method in my own bathroom. I applied slightly more pressure than was necessary and turned the ice cold water on full blast. The water pressure was such that the shower head started to rear up. I was a bit on the frozen and shocked side, and by the time I had worked out what was happening, turned the cold water off and wrestled the shower head back to its rightful place, there was about an inch of water on the floor. Nicely done.

Then ma and pa popped up to deliver birthday pressies. I got GREAT pressies this year. Including one of these things...

A 'Time Machine'!!! Isn't it cool? It's a dock for your pod which is also an alarm clock - you can either be woken up by your pod or by the radio. It's so funky looking, it really does look like a portal to another world, like if you put your arm through it, it would actually disappear. Also when I opened the card from ma and pa a massive butterfly flew out! It was a huge cardboard butterfly with a simple elastic band mechanism that you wind up before putting it in the card, so when you open the card the things flies out right at you. Shit myself I did. I jumped a mile. But it was brilliant - it looks like a real butterfly in flight. Genius.

But mostly I've been silly busy this week, hence the lack of posting. I actually managed to do no work at all on my birthday but I have been out seven nights in a row. I am sleep deprived and a bit manic. I have just over 2 months left to finish all my lab work - I may have to admit defeat and lay off the blogging for a while. I'm sure I'll still find time to read and comment and that, but I just can't keep up at the moment. It won't be forever though I guess. REALLY looking forward to it all being over...

2006-12-12T11:47:00.000Z

Toccata and River - I can't comment on your blogs!!! Grrrrr!!! I'm sure it'll be ok soon but just so as you know I AM reading, just not commenting!

2006-12-09T11:32:00.000Z

I have big news. Thursday night us knitting ladeez got together as it was the birthday of one of our number. We did some knitting and drank some mulled wine. Somehow we all got around to measuring each other, like you do.

I have been 5' 5" since I was 12. Three years ago, at a science fair, I was measured by some infrared thing as 5' 5" dead on. Not any more. I HAVE GROWN 3/4 OF AN INCH!!!! Woohoo! I am 5' 5" and 3/4 which is a bit of a mouthful so I think I'll round it up to 5' 6". I'm king of the world.

I'm off to stay with my sister for the weekend. Before I go I have work to do, gifts to buy, cards to write. But it's not a problem 'cos I'm 5' 6", mate.

2006-12-07T17:52:00.000Z

Sadly my boss has been signed off work with stress, which is terrible. I do feel sorry for her, she's under a lot of pressure at the moment.

BUT, she does have a tendency to stress me out by asking me what I'm doing, how it's going, do I realise I've not got long left now? Even if I'm in the middle of an experiment she'll say helpful things like 'we really do need to get on with this' and I want to yell 'I can't make the science go any faster!!!' in her face. But I don't. It's actually quite a relief not having her around. So first thing I did was to book myself a massage and hair cut. Lovely. What a great big enormous slacker I am.

My hairdresser always plays the CUTEST videos, this one is even cuter than the last one. The tune is 'Hi' by Psapp who are big in love with all things feline and throw hand-made (by them) cats into the audience at their gigs. I'd not heard of them before I went to get my hairs cut but I'm liking their style, and I LOVE this tune...

Hi

2006-12-06T19:58:00.000Z

The most exciting thing of the week so far? 'Five US' is showing series one of Dawson's Creek, the most ridiculous TV show ever made. I'm not sure I've seen the first series before, I fought long and hard against watching it at all but Anna made me. Every time I watch it I end up yelling 'but they're 15!!!!' at the telly like a mad old woman. Dawson has truly remarkable hair. It's MASSIVE and clearly blow-dried. He's 15!!! And he has a permanent 5 o'clock shadow and HUGE carefully manicured topiary for eyebrows and looks very much like someone in their early 30s. But my favourite thing about it has to be the script...who talks like that? I mean who talks like that anyway BUT THEY'RE 15!!!! Actual quote...

Joey: So the friendship? You don't think we're friends anymore?
Dawson: I don't know. Are we more? Are we less? All I know is it's just not the way it used to be. Nothing is anymore.
Joey: It's called social evolution, Dawson. What's strong enough flourishes and what doesn't we look at behind glass cases in science museums.
Dawson: You and I? Are we museum bound?

15 year old boys say thing like 'dunno' 'whatever' 'dunno' 'yeah'. 'Are we museum bound?' WHAT??? You're 15!!!! Honestly.

In tonight's episode Jen's ex-boyfriend came to town. I actually really liked him as he was rather hateful to stupid moaning miserable Dawson. He picked up his E.T. doll and started stretching its little brown arms and Dawson bleated weakly about it being a collector's item. See how it has sucked me in? I wallow in my hatred of it I can't help it.

2006-12-05T19:59:00.000Z

I've been crazy busy with a research meeting today and yesterday. It would be being a bit harsh to say it has been deathly boring, but it's been hard going. The talks have all been interesting but it's really difficult to sustain interest and concentration for 2 days solid when none of it is that relevant to me.

But last night made it TOTALLY worth it - I went to a big meeting dinner on the SS Great BritainSS! I swear my life isn't normally this exciting.

The ship, Brunel's luxury ocean-going liner built in 1843, has been restored and is now kept in museum-like conditions in a dry-dock in Bristol. Although it's in a dry dock they've built a beautiful glass floor at water level which is covered with two inches of gently rippling water and lit from underneath. It looked absolutely glorious when we turned up last night for the champagne reception. We had full reign of the ship and once everyone had a glass of fizz the purser took us all on a big tour. Then we had dinner (caramelised onion tart, lamb shank, apple upside-down cake) in the 'first-class dining saloon'!!! It was brilliant.

In other news, I got me a new phone. Very quick work on the part of the insurance people. I have lost all my numbers though. I've still got the same number so please text me if I used to have your number!!! I have a bare address book and it makes me sad.

2006-12-04T18:33:00.000Z

Well you can't have everything. Turns out the price for appearing in a Nick Cave video is that you lose your mobile phone on the way home then your boiler breaks so you have no heating or hot water all weekend. I had to make a million phone calls to sort out my mobile (the nice insurance people are sending me a new one) and I had to listen to Stu make a million phone calls to the gas people. They turned up on Saturday afternoon and when they couldn't find a parking space IMMEDIATELY they turned round and went home. But they didn't tell us this, oh no. They left us waiting and shivering. Idiots.

I'll just post this then that's it for the Nick Cave waffle I promise. One of my favourite Nick Cave tracks - best use of a glockenspiel (or whatever it is) ever

Come Into My Sleep

Just another day at the office

2006-12-02T14:45:00.000Z

So there has been a couple of days break in my attempt to blog every day. I have a really really really good reason for this.

The most unbelievable thing EVER happened. On Wednesday I was at my desk, eating my sandwich, updating my links for this page, when I saw an advert. I replied to the advert and spent all day Thursday in London filming a Nick Cave video.

Nick Cave, Warren Ellis, Martyn Casey and Jim Sclavunos have formed a new band Grinderman and they put out a request on myspace for people to be in the videos for a few songs. As it was the day before the shoot I didn't think anything at all would come of it. After a small amount of arguing with myself about the fact I had a hair appointment booked and if I did go I'd have to cancel, I copied a photo from a blog entry and sent an e-mail not expecting a reply. By 6pm they had said they'd love for me to come down and asked me to bring a hot boy along. So I rang dogga and off we went to London. By 11am Thursday I was dancing like I was possessed while the band played live in the tiny upstairs room of a pub in east London. I was also required to strip down to my undies and do a bit of snogging. This involved making a fairly unusual phone call to Stu in Paris asking how he felt about me gadding about in my pants for a Nick Cave video. Literally unbelievable.

Funny really, but doing a PhD in neuroscience I don't get asked to do this kind of thing much. It was the most surreal day. It was fascinating getting to see all the behind-the-scenes stuff, all the fannying around involved in making a few videos. The things that Warren Ellis can do with a violin are astounding. And, of course, Nick Cave singing a matter of inches from me was a huge honour and privilege. The director (same director from 'The Proposition') was BRILLIANT. In fact all the crew were wonderful and the atmosphere was great. And the music is amazing, 'No Pussy Blues' ROCKS. It's difficult to blog about really - I'll never get to do anything like it ever again and it's hard to describe how completely unexpected it was, and how it far far exceeded any expectations I had about what it might be like. Back in the lab yesterday it was hard to believe it had happened at all.

Rod y Gab

2006-11-29T20:13:00.000Z

It was one week ago today that me, Stu and a couple of friends went to see Rodrigo and Gabriela. I'm such a lazy slug it's taken me a whole week to post about it. Rod y Gab are Dublin-based Mexicans (like so many new acts these days) who play guitar duets which sounds pants but they are BRILLIANT. Gab is really sweet with a lovely accent and it's really funny to hear her talk about their heavy metal roots (and every time she said 'heavy metal' she growled and made the international symbol for 'rock', the one with your forefinger and your little finger). They only started messing about like this as a way to get hotels and bars to let them play in them.

Unfortunately the venue was ridiculous for them - it's a huge club with loads of balconies so no-one could really see them playing. There were big screens but whoever was controlling them only turned them on for a few songs. Annoying.

NOT as annoying as the young hooligans who perched, literally perched on a tiny shelf meant for resting your drink, behind us. It was quite a quiet night really so you could hear them play and these idiots were shouting across to each other saying genius things like 'I can see an arm', 'I can see a leg but some dickheads head is in the way' the dickhead in question being a middle-aged lady. When they started pulling ceiling tiles down so they could hang from the supports one of our number went and got a bouncer at which point Stu, who had been quietly seething, yelled 'what's your f**king problem?'. They just looked startled. Then the bouncer came up and asked who had taken the ceiling panels down 'it weren't us mate', to which Stu interjected with 'yes it was I saw them it was these f**king goons'. So mild mannered, never gets angry, but mess with him at a gig and you'll incur the wrath. I even got to say 'leave it Stu it's not worth it' which is what all girlfriends have to say in these situations, it's the law. They left, we had a good night. Polished off with fish and chips in the pouring rain.

I can't blog every day AND come up with bloody titles

2006-11-28T18:10:00.000Z

Woohoo I finished the scarf!!! It was a good knitting session with only one attendee abstaining from the knitting which is rare. We had cookies and popcorn and tea. Four neuroscientists sat in my lounge, which was festooned with balls of wool, drinking tea and chatting about how we wish we'd done maths PhDs. We ROCK.

So yes, Stu has a scarf. As I said to Barb, it's pretty short but it'll go round his neck and therefore fits the criteria for a scarf. He's in Paris at the moment but maybe he'll model it on his return. I started a pepto-bismol pink scarf. With the small amount of knitting that got done in between the jibbering and eating it should be done in about 6 months.

Today was an unusually pleasant day actually. Primarily because I got YET ANOTHER parcel from Canada! This time from Mel (thanks Mel) beautifully packaged with a lovely card. My mail has never been so exotic. It's almost worth leaving it down on the letter shelf in the lobby a bit longer, just so everyone else in the building knows what exciting deliveries I get. In your face you losers with your boring bills.

And I went for coffee with my friend Dr H. We had a big chat about psychic powers and mediums and such-like. She is 'a believer' (her words), I am not. She is a molecular biologist and I would never have pegged her for 'a believer' but then I don't know why I should think that really. Clearly 'believers' don't have two heads or wear signs round their necks or anything. This isn't to say I don't have a fairly open mind about this sort of thing but I need evidence. And I'm surprised that, as a scientist, she is so prepared to accept a supernatural explanation. I'd be interested in comments on this - just wondering what general opinions are/personal experiences etc.

Also 10 points for me on trying to blog every day. Two days in a row. Well done me.

Busy Bloody Bee

2006-11-27T17:46:00.000Z

Sigh. When I started this whole blog thing I wanted to write something every day, diary stylee. But now I'm entering the last few months of my PhD I'm the busiest effing bee in town. My life is just manic at the moment (except for yesterday when I stayed in my PJs until 1pm). On Wednesday I went to a concert, then my little mum came for the weekend. I just haven't found the time to write about ANY of this yet. But I will.

Tonight sees the recommencement of knitting club, a.k.a. 'stitch and bitch', a.k.a. 'not-knitting club' if you just want to come over and eat some food and chat and drink and not knit. I won't have a word said against it. It makes me extremely cool. So says I. Around this time last year I started knitting a scarf for Stu. Tonight I have big plans to finish it off. Quick worker me.

Game Over

2006-11-21T08:54:00.000Z

Well that's that then. 3 weeks after spending £70 on getting my bike fixed when it was cruelly plundered by thieving shitheads it has been stolen in its entirety. They cut straight through the lock. It didn't even have the saddle with it. I'm not getting another one - I can take a hint. Plus it was becoming apparent to me just how dangerous cycling round Bristol really is. Students walk out in front of you, people open their car doors without looking, people pull out of side roads without looking, people pull into side roads across the front of you having just overtaken you to do so, so they know full well you're there. Perhaps a blessing in disguise. I guess I'm back to walking. I got legs, I know how to use 'em.

John Martyn

2006-11-19T20:44:00.000Z

For Allison, who felt she was lacking in music from the 70s - an introduction to John Martyn

Bless The Weather

Stormbringer

Solid Air

My Baby Girl

'Bless the Weather' is from the album of the same name which was chosen by Q magazine as one of twelve essential folk albums of all time in 1999. Bless is used here in the old fashioned sense of the word, not as in 'aw bless the weather, how cute'.

Stormbringer is the title track from the 1970 album John Martyn released with his then-wife Beverley. It was supposed to be her solo album but got a bit taken over by John as he ended up writing 7 of the 10 songs and released under both names. I'm sure she was thrilled.

Solid Air, the title track from his 1973 album, was dedicated to Nick Drake, Martyn's friend and label-mate, who was suffering from depression at the time and died of an overdose of antidepressants 18 months after the album was released.

My Baby Girl is from the 1974 album Sunday's Child.

Bam bam bam bam bam bam CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

2006-11-18T16:13:00.000Z

Feeling a lot better now but still quite near death's door so have done very little this weekend. LAST weekend I am proud to announce I started my Christmas shopping. I can't say any more than that because everyone I bought something for reads my blog. I can say that I found the best shop in the world called Mouse To Minx...

Down Christmas Steps (that's actually what the street is called not just some name I made up)

Up Christmas Steps

Mouse To Minx

They sell tea cups, knitted bits of cake (!), etiquette books, cute little miniskirts, beautiful corsets and vintage handbags which I would have been VERY tempted by had I not just bought one (like buses these vintage handbags...). I had just been to Bristol Vintage Fashion Fair (follow the link just to hear the funky tune) where I purchased a very lovely handbag which is small and square and made from a green plastic-type material. God that makes it sound vile but it's very cute.

This shopping trail of mine took me past the most recent Banksy in Bristol so I took a pic as there's been quite a lot of chat about it recently...

It's a proper tourist attraction - there were actually little groups of people posing in front of it (it's high on the side of a building but a bridge runs down past it at convenient Kodak-moment height).

So feeling very smug and organised despite having done zilch this weekend. Maybe I'll write my Christmas card list. OR start planning Christmas dinner. Me and Gemma, after a few glasses of wine, foolishly volunteered to make Christmas dinner. Reckon we'll probably be ok if I start planning it now.

Thank You Barb!

2006-11-18T12:59:00.000Z

UR IN MY LETTR BOX, MAKIN ME SMILE!!

When you feel like a bag of shite, what could be better than finding a small brown packet from Canada in your letter box! I got a CD from lovely Barb! Thanks so much Barb, the absolute highlight of my otherwise dreary day.

Lemsip - I LOVE You

2006-11-16T08:23:00.000Z

I'm dying(ish) of a throat infection. My tongue looks like one of these...

I love the internet, I didn't think for a second I'd actually find a picture of a white strawberry with red spots. I've got some drugs, some good old-fashioned penicillin, so it's all good. Feel better already today actually so I fancy I might faff about with my template a bit more. Watch this space...

***EDIT*** I have faffed with the template from under my duvet and it all looks much tidier thanks to the very elegant template that River designed. Thank you River!!!

***Another edit*** River, or Dogga, or anyone else who knows about these things, I've broken the bit that makes links a different colour - there is a link to River's blog above but it looks the same as the rest of the text :( How do I fix it?

***Me again*** River had already posted very clear and helpful instructions on this subject which I managed to miss completely. I shall fix it anon.

For your inflight entertainment...

2006-11-13T15:58:00.000Z

All the Borat hoopla going on over at Will's site reminded me I forgot to provide full and comprehensive reviews of the films I saw on the plane over to Greece...

The Devil Wears Prada: Utter drivel

The Lake House: Ridiculous. But I loved it. It made me cry into my plastic mug of wine, even though I was sat next to a total stranger.

Absolute Sheer Bloody Genius

2006-11-09T16:28:00.000Z

Backside firework prank backfires

"A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night.
Paramedics found the 22-year-old bleeding, with a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket lodged inside him, when they attended the scene in Sunderland"

Click on the headline to read the full story.

Blahblahblahblahblahology

2006-11-08T22:10:00.000Z

The last few days I've been on a psychoneuroimmunology course. I know it sounds totally made up but it's real. It's basically a fancy way of saying 'mind and body', it was all to do with the effect of stress and emotions on progression of disease and all that jazz. A lot of it was very convincing, especially some of the HIV stuff. There was also some stuff about the potential biological mechanisms of the placebo effect which was really interesting.

I went along because this sort of stuff is potentially the kind of area I might want to get into once I've got my stinking PhD out the way. Maybe. So I forced myself to go to the dinner on the Monday night, even though I didn't know another soul and was pretty sure they were all bestie mates. Turns out they weren't all bestie mates and I ended up sat opposite the woman I wanted to be sat opposite. The dinner was at a really good little bistro type thing very near me...

The food was glorious and there was plenty of wine. I ate mackerel salad with chilli dressing, then lamb casserole with the tastiest potatoes I've ever had. And I drank a lot. So by the time they came round with the HUGE slab of chocolate mocha tart, my belly was swollen with a substantial food baby.

And yet somehow there was room for tart. I don't know what's wrong with me - this was the day after the ridiculously large Sunday lunch. I am literally trying to eat myself to death. Way to make a good impression on potential future employers.

In another food-related incident I pinched the fleshy bit of my little finger in the handle of some salad tongs during lunch yesterday - so hard it's come up in a nasty little blood blister thing - while talking to a nice young man from London. I wanted to scream and yell "owwwwwwww" in his face, but I held it together and continued to nod with great interest at what he was saying. I'm just so slick with my networking.

Easy like one of them Sunday mornings...

2006-11-06T10:00:00.000Z

As Sundays go yesterday was pretty bloody nice. Slobbed about in bed until finally dragging myself up around 10am, read the paper, then went out for a carvery for lunch. We went to a pub in the village where ma and pa live. It was glorious. The plates were HUGE, the beef was perfect. I nearly killed myself by eating too much but what a way to go. THEN I had a Belgian white chocolate cheesecake. God it was good.

Then on the drive back to Bristol we saw this spectacular sunset so Stu took some beeoootiful pics....

Oh yeah and it was Guy Fawke's night too so we had a light show all the way up the M5, fireworks going off all over the place. Not bad for a usually fairly dull and awful drive along one of the most boring roads in the country.

Once home I curled up in front of CSI with a hot chocolate. Divine.

Chuck Elliot

2006-11-04T16:57:00.000Z

Chuck Elliot has an exhibition coming up in Bristol. Never heard of the bloke, but I read about him in 'The Bristol Magazine' and he's got a little beard and makes these beautiful things...

The magazine said "Chuck Elliott’s practice is concerned with the investigation of colour, movement and light. Entirely computer generated, free form shapes are cropped, re-coloured and enhanced as if editing in a camera view...These metallic Lambda prints afford a far higher dynamic range of colour than has previously been available to the artist through more traditional printing techniques".

I've no idea what that means but I like it. Ain't they pretty?

You're Beautiful

2006-11-04T15:10:00.000Z

Well I'm at little mum's, spending the weekend with the old goat and her dicky ticker, and not doing very much at all. Which is blissful.

Have been meaning to post about this for a few days now. Everyone's favourite posh whinging warbler has been in the news TWICE this past week. Yes, James Blunt has finished VERY highly in a poll asking what people in the UK find most annoying. This story explains that...

"Singer James Blunt is more irritating than traffic wardens, noisy neighbours and estate agents, according to a poll ranking the UK's most annoying things"

People either love young James (I'm not sure which people but there must be some) or hate him. Much like Marmite. And so you can imagine my joy when I saw that James' creepy grinning face had been captured in marmart...

For the original, truly wonderful mamart site go here. I'm not a fan of squeezy marmite but some of the stuff here is quite special!

On the road again

2006-11-02T19:21:00.000Z

Got my bike fixed, which set me back £67 for new wheel, new tyre, some gear things, and some mudguards. So the countdown to bits being stolen begins.

I've been crazy busy this week. I was in Weymouth at the beginning of the week as little old mum had radioablation on her heart for atrial fibrillation so me and Gemma went along to hold her hand and such like. They passed a probe up through a vein in the top of her leg, all the way up to her heart, then gave it a good zapping. Job done.

Consequently I feel like I've been playing catch-up all bloody week. And I had to go and pick Stu up from the airport on Tuesday night - he was coming back from Amsterdam having flown out on Sunday. When he got to the airport on Sunday the flight had been cancelled and he had a 9 hour wait!!!!! Sounds like he had a very good time though, not sure it's possible to go to Amsterdam and not have a good time.

Then Gemma came up to Bristol for a few days and we went to see a Bob Dylan tribute band 'Highway 61 Revisited' who, as I understand it, have a drummer who used to play with the man himself. Or something like that. He's a session musician for MTV unplugged too. And very good he was too. I have just been the busiest Kees in town.

Change of Scenery

2006-10-30T22:27:00.000Z

I was inspired by the truly inspirational River to mess around with my blog template. Apologies for any inconvenience which no doubt there will be as I'm just messing with the template with wild abandon. Huge credit is due to The Inspiration Gallery who will get a proper link as soon as I can get rid of a few gremlins...

It's All Greek To Me

2006-10-28T23:00:00.000+01:00

I made that particular joke within about 10 minutes of landing in Athens in reference to the metro timetable. Someone had to. And I don't mind telling you I laughed long and hard about it.

Greece was great. The conference was ok. The organisation was pretty bad but not awful. My presentation went well, in spite of a fairly intimidating set of circumstances including speaking in this HUGE theatre...

AND being introduced as 'Professor' despite barely being able to see over the lectern. Once that nastiness was out of the way I could enjoy the rest of the lectures. Most of them were boring as hell. A few were REALLY interesting and if you're VERY lucky I'll do a post about them. It may not sound that exciting but one of them discussed how other women's breasts might be able to enhance the female libido. Not exactly what I was expecting I'll be honest.

Also had a bit of free time to eat, drink coffee, eat, drink, eat ice-cream, drink and, of course, check out the Acropolis and other ancient things.

The vet 'kissing the guns' at the Acropolis...

Unobstructed view of the Acropolis...

More ruins...

Goddess of sports apparel - Nike...

Look at the sky! It was SO blue and SOOO hot out there! Bristol is soaking wet, dark and foggy.

The flight both ways was really pretty good actually (dogga - it was a 767). On the way out me and the vet bagged exit seats with all the leg-room in the world. We had some perfectly acceptable pasta and a tiny bottle of red wine. As a slightly mental claustrophobic I actual found the whole thing not too bad at all. I don't mind flying. In fact I love flying, I just can't stand planes - being all crammed in with loads of other people. I know it's crazy but I just absolutely hate it and I wouldn't feel any different if it never left the ground. Loony. Mad as a bag of spiders.

Speaking of being mad...there was a small incident at passport control involving a group of Ukrainians with documentation issues. They basically tried to queue jump which pissed off a lot of people. So the Greek passport man divided the queue into Ukrainians and non-Ukrainians. Which was fine. But then after checking just two passports he stopped our queue to deal with them even though a Greek passport girl was already dealing with them. So a couple ran forward from the back to shout. My Argentinean boss shouted and I shouted a bit too. So then the Greek passport guy gave in but started by serving the couple that had RUN FORWARD FROM BEHIND US. The crowd went wild. We'd been stood there for nearly half an hour not moving while they faffed about and now they were serving them first!!! I yelled something about not being Ukrainian and my Argentinean boss, not holding back, called them 'f**king assholes'. The guy just shrugged so again he yelled 'get back get back f**king assholes, f**king assholes, you are a f**king asshole'. It was great. Didn't help though. They still got served first.

Goodbyyyeeeeeeeeee!

2006-10-19T21:21:00.000+01:00

I'm off to Greece for a conference. I've been stupid busy preparing for it for the last few weeks, and the last few days have been utterly manic hence my terrible neglect of my blog. Back on Thursday, I'll bring back a stick of rock and a straw donkey for everybody. Byeeeeeeeeeee!

Free Porn

2006-10-17T11:32:00.000+01:00

No, not naked ladies, Food Porn! Gorgeous recipes to do with as you please.

Rehab

2006-10-15T13:06:00.000+01:00

I heard this today by Amy Winehouse who I love, I think she's great. She's so striking with all that hair and look at those shoes! F**k me pumps as she would say.

Mum HATES her. I appreciate she's certainly not your average, and I can see you either love her or hate her. Like marmite. Which I also love.

Here she is being interviewed in a butcher's (caution contains graphic scenes of meat preparation)...

I've been subjected to SO much telly over this weekend. I've been trapped in the flat writing a presentation and I've had the telly on in the background. Lucky for me my 2 favourite films with elements of time travel in them have been on - Donnie Darko and Back to the Future. I also watched Frankenstein which immediately followed Back to the Future - another film with a crazed scientist whose invention relies on a lightening storm. Weird.

Love is an arrow

2006-10-13T13:16:00.000+01:00

I just went to get my hairs cut (nothing fancy, same as before) and they played this on the video music thing they have there. It's pretty bloody cute...

My hairdresser is funny. He looks like a lion with lots of gold hair and a beard and he loves fishing. He was telling me all about how waders can kill you. Even if you just fall over in chest-high water the waders immediately fill up with water and you become a dead weight. He did an impression of how he'd be found - tongue out pulling at the top of the waders. Lovely.

He also told me he nearly died the first time he wore waders as the water was deeper than he thought and he was clinging onto the end of a ladder with his arms while the rest of him was being dragged away by the current. His brother was trying, and failing, to pull him back but luckily a little old lady came by and together they pulled him out! He's not a small guy either. What a hero.

He was also talking about fishing competitions at 3am in long grass that gets covered by water. Apparently the ground is full of quite significant cracks and you've no idea where they are until you fall into one. They all wear little headlights and every so often one just suddenly disappears, followed by a lot of effing and jeffing. Who knew fishing could be so treacherous?

Bloody Mother F**king Asshole

2006-10-11T12:30:00.000+01:00

Well. That didn't take long. The back wheel of my bike has been stolen. I'm furious. I mean, what the f**k? Who steals the back wheel of a bike? Ok maybe someone who'd had their wheel stolen but really that's no excuse. And I feel really bad cos it's not even my bike it's Stu's. F**ker. I can't believe it. Absolute wanker. Crap like this makes me hate Bristol. I'm getting really good at getting stuff stolen for people. I'd already got my sister's whole bike stolen after she loaned it to me last year. It didn't even last the weekend. And my car, my crappy little Toyota that's 9 years old. The stereo is an old knackered cassette player, I leave the glove box open so you can see it's empty, and take the front off the stereo and never ever leave anything on show. Nothing for anyone to steal. So what do they do? They steal the parcel hatch, the interior light AND THE CARPET THAT LINES THE BOOT. Unbe-f*cking-lievable. That was last year but I'm still mad about it, mostly because it was just so bloody pointless. People round here are utter shitheads who just steal stuff because they can.

So now I have to get the poor thing fixed which will cost about £60. Honestly it was so sad seeing it lying there, crippled. I there I was looking like a total moron, helmet in one hand, saddle in the other (cos I take my saddle with me SO IT DOESN'T GET THIEVED), mouth open like a bloody goldfish. And I mean, it was the back wheel with all the cogs and stuff so they must have come with tools. What a lot of effort to go to. It would have been less effort to go out, earn the £60, and BUY YOUR OWN BLOODY WHEEL COCKHEAD.

What did make me feel better was seeing a couple kissing at a bus stop. They were so engrossed in each other they didn't notice the smelly bearded drunk who'd walked up to them and was watching intently with his face literally inches from theirs. When they eventually parted they were greeted with his toothy grin and request for change for the bus. They were slightly alarmed to find him quite so very close. Had I not been forced to take the bus home I would have missed this little piece of comedy gold.

2006-10-09T17:48:00.000+01:00

We visited Stu's nephew at the weekend, he's just turned 2. He's ridiculously cute. We got on pretty well. We played trains (Thomas the Tank Engine) and ate chocolate cake. It was great. We bought him Toby Le Chien...

He's a cut above your average pull-along hard-wood dog. He's shiny and lacquered and has the jauntiest collar in the land.

We missed open mic night this week but I nearly mowed down one of the guys from last week on my bike which reminded me to post a link to his myspace page as I think he's rather good (at playing the guitar anyway, not so good at looking before crossing the road)...

Happy Birthday Anna!

2006-10-06T11:55:00.000+01:00

A very special present for you (may only be of interest to Anna, Gemma and my mum - apologies)...

Brrrring Brrrring!

2006-10-05T21:57:00.000+01:00

This week I have been cycling into work for the first time in 3 years. I ache all over and my bum hurts. I look very much like the lady in the picture except I wear jeans and a big jacket. And I have a massive safety helmet, and I'm riding Stu's old bike. I do have the same startled expression and fixed grin as I weave through the Bristol rush hour. Honestly Bristol is shit for riding round. There are no cycles lanes, all the roads are really narrow and there are little pot holes everywhere. But there is an additional hidden danger to cycling in Bristol...Incurring the wrath of Venue readers. Venue is a weekly magazine for Bristol and Bath and has both an 'I saw you' and 'I'm sore at you' section, for example

"I saw you: Gloucester Road Post Office. Mon 22 Sept,3.35 PM.You yummy, blond, 5'3". Me 6'3" black jeans & shirt. You stood behind me in queue and smiled. I left with impure thoughts. Did you? peter1242** **o2.co.uk"

"I'm sore at you: j the clifton ginger. thinks its about time u came to realise u r ugly and unpopular"

I'm addicted to it. Because sometimes people reply and it's really cute, and it usually goes along the lines of

"I saw you: blonde hair blue eyes at this time in this place"
then next week,
"I've got blonde hair blue eyes and I was at that place at that time was it me?"
then the week after,
"It might have been, what were you wearing?" etc etc etc etc

I love it. There was nearly an accidental lesbian relationship once when a couple of straight girls each thought the other was a boy for WEEKS. It's like a soap opera I tell you.

Anyway here are a few of the cyclist-related 'I'm sore at you' entries from the past few weeks...

"Cyclists - GET ON THE RAOD. I have actually been forced on the road, pushing A PRAM as you idiots cannot seen to cycle on the roads! What is wrong with you?"

"Don't cycle on the pavement - CYCLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! Thereby avoiding pedestrians, door opening parked cars and the dreaded 'squeeeeze' past by the bus. Yes, it really annoys everyone in a car behind you, but so what?"

"Please all you cyclists out there, dont ride in the middle of the road as some idiot is suggesting. I ride and drive so see both points of view-know your place, keep near the kerb dont give lunies in BMW,s a reason to run you down !"

"I'm sore at all the ranting bicyclists; cycle at the weekend in the woods by all means. But you urban lot who shake yr limp wristed fists at cars as you mount the pavement swearing pathetic obscenities from 'neath your dead chicken helemets. Twats! You mince about the city centre on your crappy little bikes because you dont have a car, cant afford a gym membership, or are too mean to pay a bus fare, probably all three, f*ck*ng losers!"

"I understand people's frustration at cyclists using the pavements but just as there are bad cyclists there are bad drivers whose main aim it would seem is to score imaginary points by hitting us or causing damage. The cyclists, pedestrians nor drivers are at fault here but the Council so let's stop wasting our energy fighting amogst ourselves and stand up to the big boys who really can make a difference..."

"Im sore at you - people who leave their bins/recycling boxes on pavements. The cretins do not seem to have cottoned onto the fact that the bin men come once a fortnight. its hell with a pushchair what with the CYCLISTS - get on the road dickheads!"

"Pavement Cyclists: stay where you are, leave the roads for the car drivers that pay tax to be there"

"Pavement cyclists - USE THE ROADS - end of"

"I'm sore at you: for banging on about cyclists, i dont even have a bike ! who cares how they cycle to their destination, i usually find people walking on the pavement act just as stupidly as anyone in a car, bike, lorry, spaceship.... really people you must have better things to moan about !"

I don't ride on the pavement. And as I also drive I'm very mindful of the cars and try to make myself as small and unobtrusive as possible. But I'm totally paranoid that as soon as I get on my bike everybody HATES me! I may have to stop reading 'I'm sore at you' all together.

Anyone for tennis?

2006-10-04T21:43:00.000+01:00

After all the science of last week I needed a break so we spent the weekend in Weymouth with ma and pa and Gemma. After a shopping trip (bought a little cream bobble hat) and some coffee and cake we watched Match Point. Odd film. Woody Allen film set in London. Not about tennis at all. There were quite a few things wrong with it, least of all the fact that the main character was supposed to be working class Irish but had the plummiest accent I've ever heard. He talked like the Queen. But I really liked it. I would recommend it. Believe it or not film reviews aren't my forte. Go here for someone who thought it was good, here for someone who thought it was bad.

Here comes the science bit

2006-10-01T12:09:00.000+01:00

I was all about the science last week. I mean, I'm always all about the science, but last week I had to rub a few brain cells together. Usually I sit in the lab just trying to generate data robot-fashion. But last week I had a two hour meeting with my supervisors in which they systematically tore apart my first thesis chapter. Hard going but productive.

Then I went to a neuroimaging symposium, bits of which were really interesting. For example the same bit of the brain that is activated when we see movement, is also activated when we see images that imply movement...

Ain't that weird?

That's it for the science. Doesn't seem that much now I've written it down. Made my brain hurt at the time though. I was glad for the weekend.

Long Walk Off A Short Pier

2006-09-27T21:01:00.000+01:00

Tap dancing genius and all round luvvie Lionel Blair (who shares a birthday with me)

and everyone's favourite camp comedian Alan Carr (on the left)

have rescued a suicidal man found hanging by his fingertips to the end of Blackpool Pier. According to Lionel, "We got his hand and said, 'Come on, you don't want to die. You can't do that. Listen to us'. He did a double take, but then said, 'No I want to go'. So I got one arm and you [turning to Alan Carr] got the other."

I LOVE this story. What a couple of heroes. Can you imagine two more unlikely people to be rescued by?

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret

2006-09-25T20:20:00.000+01:00

Last week was a busy busy week. Here are some things I did last week when I wasn't working my behind off.

We watched 'Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room'. Not that smart really. Seemed to me they didn't do anything that anyone else wouldn't have thought of, but most other people wouldn't have the nerve and would say something like, "obviously we could...but we won't because it's illegal/stupid/rude/ethically very dubious/doomed to failure". Worth watching just so you can tut and shake your head all smug like.

And my old flatmate came to stay and I haven't seen him for 3 years!!! I lived with him at uni (with Anna too) for 3 years, then he moved in with Stu for a year so we were both pretty chuffed to see him. Clever sod had just handed in his PhD thesis. We went for curry, drank some beers and played James Bond on the X-Box. It was GREAT, I wasn't sure if it would be a bit awkward but it was just like we'd seen him yesterday. It was ace. I hope we don't leave it another 3 years.

Also Stu started a new job!!! They've given him the most exciting laptop I've ever seen. It's got a thumbprint recognition thingy. Lucky bugger. I had a fight on my hands trying to get a new lab book off the witch that guards the department stationary.

We also went to open mic night in the pub, which I love but I was busy making lamb curry so we got there late and only heard the last song. It was worth it though...an acoustic cover of this excellent song by Queens of the Stone Age...

Upload music at Bolt.

Meet the Kees

2006-09-23T16:51:00.000+01:00

Barbara posted about a google game where you type in your name + "needs". So I dutifully typed in "Kees needs". Some of the best...

"Kees needs to make the paint accede to his own creed of randomly thrown tone" eh?

"Kees needs $69 million"

"Kees needs some lessons from Larry"

"Kees needs nappies"

All good, but by far my favourite was "Kees needs grooming, not a lot, but at least 3 times a week"

I've always been called Kees by my family and no one can really remember why. We think it started at a party at which there was a really weird freaky geeky girl called Carisse. So naturally my family started calling me Carisse and it evolved from that, as these things do. But turns out...Kees is a dog! There is a breed of dog called the Keeshond which breeders shorten to 'the Kees'.

Apparently "When a Kees needs a home they'll get one". 'Keestalk.net' explains that many humans do not understand a Kees' needs and suggests increasing food for an unhappy Kees. The Kees also needs much less structured exercise and a good brushing at least once a week. One site, helpfully, even has a guide to Kees' expressions...

Brilliant.

Gadget Goodness

2006-09-19T20:08:00.000+01:00

Got me a new phone!!! Finally got a new phone to replace the brick I've been carrying round. It's a Motorola Pebl and it's damn cute. It's matt black and very soft and smooth. So cute. Look at the fat little bugger. It's got all the mod-cons, camera, bluetooth, er and some other stuff too.

And while I'm on the subject of gadgets...Stu read about these little monkeys so I sought them out online and I present them to you here. They're like little synthesizers. I want one really quite badly but have no use for one whatsoever. I need to form me an experimental band quick smart.

For a highly technical description of the wee beasts go here. Watch the little critters doing their thing here

One more thing...

2006-09-15T23:03:00.000+01:00

This may well only be of interest to Anna but look! It's Izzy from Neighbours! I've be listening to this for weeks and had no idea!!!

Which means that if someone can get Paul Robinson to resurrect his music career they could do a duet. I can't quite believe I found this. Don't it make you feel good...

It's Friday!!!

2006-09-15T21:51:00.000+01:00

I've been in a really good mood this week despite rather a few crap things happening. Such as being framed for criminal damage. The vet, being impatient to the point of psychosis, couldn't wait for me to get the key to the chain across the car park and decided to bust it apart snapping one of the links clean in half. Just at that moment the department director of resource and planning came round the corner. So the vet pointed and said "she did it!". I protested, loudly, but the damage had been done. Next day I was well established as the culprit, "The little pink car was the last one in the car park, and when it had gone the chain was broken, that's all I'll say" said the building services guy. All the vet will say is that I drove through the chain in a moment of car park rage. Can you bloody believe it? Cheeky sod. And I've been busy as hell. But I'm still in a good mood. Here are some things that are pleasing me at the moment.

I was just going to post the song as the quality is not great on this BUT check out the drummer's beard!!!

And I know it's pretty tragic that a car advert pleases me so but it does and I'm not ashamed to say it...

Booties

2006-09-15T21:32:00.000+01:00

As requested pics of the offending articles...

They look a wee bit on the shiny side but they're not at all. They're very soft. Roll on Autumn!

And relax.

2006-09-12T22:10:00.000+01:00

Oh good lord, we're so nearly there. Only got Tuesday and Wednesday to talk about now then mum's birthday is officially over for another year. I'll make it quick. Tuesday we went shopping. I have no money but also no will power. I ended up buying a pair of black leather knee-high boots. I already have two pairs of knee-high boots. I didn't have a black pair. I do now. The thing was they were from Whistles and originally £160 but they were reduced to......£29.99!!!!! I mean, it would have been rude not to. And the leather is SO soft. And the zip goes up the back, not up the side. Controversial eh? I love them but I won't be able to afford to eat all week. Ah well, a small price to pay.

As if that wasn't indulgence enough Wednesday was Spa Day. It was absolute bliss. We had the whole place to ourselves - a heated pool, jacuzzi, sauna and gym, back neck and shoulder massage, foot massage, Spa lunch, Indian head massage, and afternoon tea with little sandwiches and loads of cake. The lunch and the afternoon tea was served at a little table by the pool. We sat there all massaged-up in our robes and our fluffy white slippers and debated whether we'd get bored if we lived like this. I reckoned I could probably put up with it as long as I had little jobs to do in between and as long as I could still cook. Not sure why but the cooking seemed important.

Treatment room - look closely and you can see the iPod charger set into the wall...

Pool with big glass ball

Posh Nosh

2006-09-09T12:55:00.000+01:00

I'm still behind with blogging about all the birthday shenanigans. Monday was ma and pa's actual birthday and we went for lunch at by far the poshest place I have ever eaten. One of the starters was 'cod and chips' which I ordered primarily to see what it looked like. I was not disappointed...

I loved it. It's hilarious. The green stuff is 'pea puree'...mushy peas!!!! Genius. Dad and Gemma had a salad that was garnished with pansy flowers - I don't know what I expected them to taste like but they were just like lettuce only much prettier. Then I had calves liver (sorry Allison!) which was beeeooootiful. Never had it before but it was GOOD. After lunch we retired to the drawing room for coffee and chocolates (pretty typical Monday lunch break really).

After thoroughly stuffing ourselves we wobbled off home and lay in food comas until it came time to order pizza, drink fizz and play with the best birthday present ever....Buzz!!! Courtesy of me and Stu. We played it the other week at Andy and Mandy's and it's a lot of music quiz goodness. As birthdays go, not too shabby.

Here, a belated extra present for dearest mum and a treat for everyone else's ears and eyes...

Pair of cake-making geniuses

2006-09-08T18:04:00.000+01:00

So Saturday was all about eating, drinking and drawing on tablecloths. Sunday was all about cake-making. We girls KNOW how to party. And not just any cake but 'divine chocolate birthday cake' so says Mary Berry.

It started badly. I opened a cupboard and a pestle and mortar threw themselves at me and smashed on the floor. Good start. So I picked up all the tiny bits of china from off the floor, then picked out all the really teeny bits from under my fingernails.

Gem Gems was whinging quite considerably about the fact the recipe had no flour and was therefore doomed to failure. It was mostly egg white, ground almonds, sugar, and a lot of chocolate, with chocolate and butter to make the icing. Basically heart-attack cake. So when it turned out quite well we were pleasantly surprised and pretty bloody chuffed. We set about decorating it with glace cherries, white chocolate buttons and Belgian truffles. We had it in mind that it would look dead decadent piled high with chocolates and bejeweled with cherries. BUT, in our excitement we did not let the chocolate icing cool sufficiently. And EVERYTHING started to melt into the chocolate and slide off the side of the cake. Genius.

So we jammed it back into the tin from whence it came, shoved it in the fridge and crossed our fingers. It actually didn't come out too bad considering what a hash we made of it and it tasted amazing - so rich it'll make your face sweat kind of affair. It did look like it had been made by a small child, though bless her mum marveled at how the '50' I had painstakingly crafted out of white chocolate buttons had "melded" seamlessly into the icing. A lesson learnt though, patience is a virtue, always let your icing thoroughly cool before loading it with temperature-sensitive confectionery.

Daubings

2006-09-07T18:30:00.000+01:00

It seems to me my life must be in a fairly tragic state if I am excited to be posting some crap I drew on a tablecloth. I think my favourites are the various portraits. They make me giggle even now. I love how terrible we've made mum look.

My G & T

Gemma's tree

My portrait of mum

Gemma's portrait of mum

Mum's portrait of gemma

Gemma's portrait of me

By me (clockwise) G&T, Gemma, flower, pig, heart

By me: cow, sheep, boston terrier, butterfly

By Gemma: skeleton, eye, woman that used to work in my mum's shop

By Gemma...where to begin?

Ok draw...

2006-09-03T20:06:00.000+01:00

So what is shaping up to be 5 days worth of celebrating for the old goats' birthdays (it's mum's 50th hence all the fuss) kicked off with dinner on Saturday night. When we got there we spotted a jar of crayons on the table but didn't think much of it until the waitress came to take our order and explained we were welcome to draw all over the paper tablecloth, and did we ever...

Little mum keeping busy...

Turns out Gemma and I have the same (miserable, sullen) drawing face...

Er, and also the same drinking face...

More photos of our beautiful artwork to follow...blogger is playing silly buggers and won't upload.

Always the bridesmaid...

2006-09-03T20:04:00.000+01:00

Wooohoooooooo! Oh yeah - I'm a f**king bridesmaid!!!! I have NEVER been a bridesmaid and now Anna, in her infinite wisdom, has asked me to be her bridesmaid!!!! When she asked me I was so excited I jumped up and down and banged my head on the light shade.

Tea, cake and platinum chats

2006-09-01T08:27:00.000+01:00

Wednesday and Thursday were days of tea-drinking cake-eating and much much gabbling. On Wednesday the lovely Anna came over from the big smoke to pay me a visit and show off her fat new engagement ring, which is very beautiful. I baked chocolate orange cake which we ate in big slices with a huge pot of tea while we completely and utterly put the world to rights (and we are always right). And, of course, watched neighbours. What a way to spend a Wednesday.

Then on Thursday night I went to see one of my supervisors. He is Argentinian. 'Passionate' is a word often used about him. He shouts a lot. I took him and his partner some of the cake. She wasn't there when I first got there and after eating his bit of cake he decided to eat her bit too

"We have saying in Argentina, 'what eyes cannot see heart does not feel'. Which means I can eat her cake".

He also tried to give me her cat who he hates. It sat on my lap sleeping the whole evening but apparently it's 'evil'. Anyway he talked for HOURS...a small bit about work but mostly the beatles, China, horses, women ("why they do the things they do? it is beyond comprehension! why does she leave the video in player when I have told her 25 times? why does she twist the handle when she opens the drawer? she has broken many handles this way! she knows she is doing I think, I think she does just to piss me off" - all the while 'she' is sat there rolling her eyes, slightly awkward). By the time I left my ears were bleeding and I was full of tea and cake.

Anyway I'm in sunny Weymouth for a few days now in celebration of ma and pa's birthday (on the same day!). We're going out for dinner, going shoppping, going out for lunch, going to a spa for the day and drinking yet more tea. Full report soon...

The vet sees dead people

2006-08-31T17:24:00.000+01:00

So this morning I popped into Boots to peruse the moisturising creams. I wanted to see what one smelled like so I gave the bottle a gentle squeeze...and a great big glob shot straight up my nose. I was startled to say the least. But I think I covered up pretty well and managed to resist the urge to just snot it straight back out over the display. What I didn't inhale I managed to nonchalantly rub into my nose. So I now have a soft nose and I certainly know what it smells like - I can still smell it now.

But if there's one person that can always make me feel better about myself it's the vet. At least I can be thankful I don't get myself into the situations he manages to.

The vet is, very admirably, taking part in a half marathon next month for the charity Barnardo's. Actually it's really quite soon. Just under three weeks away. He has been running to work every day for ages and ages which is very impressive. I'm a little worried he hasn't actually run more than 4 miles in one go yet. I don't know much about running but it seems like if you're going to run 13 miles, 4 mile runs might be under-doing it a bit. But he assures me he has an inherent genetic ability to run 13 miles so I'm sure it will be fine. Anyway, the poor lad is a little sweaty when he gets to work but the showers in the medical school can only be accessed by going through the human dissection room. I wouldn't want to shower anywhere near there but then I wouldn't want to run 13 miles either. He hasn't minded though, until yesterday when HE GOT LOCKED IN THERE FOR HALF AN HOUR!!! WITH THE DEAD PEOPLE!!! Aaaaaaahhhhh!! I'd rather snort moisturiser any day.

When Bloggers Meet...

2006-08-28T18:37:00.000+01:00

Our friends Andrew and Mandy very kindly invited us to go and stay with them for the weekend. There has been a bit of a spate of bloggers meeting up recently so I took the opportunity to meet up with Dogga who lives near them...

Dogga and Kees

Ok so I'm cheating slightly, what with Dogga being Mandy's brother who I've actually known for quite some time (it was he who got me blogging in the first place).

So it was a good houseful, Me, Stu, Dogga, Andy, Mandy and their kids Luke and Amy. We had such a good time. We had fondue!!! I've never had fondue before so that was a first, it was LUSH. Then we had champagne under the stars in the pool which beeeooootiful. We can't see any stars in Bristol, too much light pollution.

Then we played Singstar (a little tipsy by this point) which is like competitive karaoke - the computer scores you on your tunefulness!! It's BRILLIANT. This looks to be Mr Tom Jones singing his little heart out...

I should also point out that most of these pics were quite shamelessly stolen from Dogga's Blog. Actually I could have saved my energy and directed you over there for the entire post.

Andy and Stu

Dogga and Kees

We were clearly taking the whole thing very seriously but despite our best efforts I think one of the kids won overall. Pesky kids spoiling our fun.

One of the top Singstar tunes, completely murdered by me, sung here properly...

Upload music at Bolt.

Aaaaaarrrrgghhhhhh!!!

2006-08-28T17:37:00.000+01:00

Blogger has fallen down and can't get up. I can't comment on anyone's blog, and until today I haven't been able to post. And I can't read comments either. And I don't even know if this will work because the screen has gone all weird and not the usual blogger template but plain text stylee. Is anyone else having problems? It's driving me nuts >:(

Mooooooooooooo!

2006-08-23T08:30:00.000+01:00

Monday was a complete arse of a day so Stu took me to The Sausage, one of my favourite ever places to eat, to cheer me up. As the name suggests they specialise in sausages and mash and it's just absolutely bloody lovely. I had lamb, mint and apricot sausages with champ (mash with chopped spring onions) and Stu had beef and ale sausages served as toad-in-the-hole. Those sausages are SO good. Full of sausagie goodness. Yum.

And speaking of cows, well, beef, thank GOD someone has taken the time to do this invaluable research. Cute little buggers, who knew? And you absolutely have to listen to the audio clip. Outstanding.

Weekend

2006-08-20T16:35:00.000+01:00

As a change from my usual busy go-getter lifestyle I have done nothing but slob around this weekend. The vet came round to take Stu off to the pub - the vet has started going to a pub just round the corner from us that we've never really considered going to because it's no bigger than our lounge and therefore a little scary. But he reckons it's worth going just to see the one-armed barmaid pull a pint so that sold it and off they went. I did not go to the pub. The vet dropped 'Teachers' series 2 round on DVD for me so I was all set. Other DVDs I have watched this weekend include 'LA Story' and 'Big Blue' which is the Luc Besson film about a free diver, not to be confused with 'Deep Blue Sea' the film about genetically modified killer sharks (also a wonderful film).

Stu got back from the pub and decided to re-organise all his CDs, and all our books, and all his audio and computer bits and pieces. Hard work never killed anyone and it certainly won't get me, so I just watched more 'Teachers'. Also this weekend I did a little bit of school work, but not so as you'd notice, and played on YouTube where I found this which reminded me of the Weakerthans' video for 'Our Retired Explorer (Dines with Michel Foucault in Paris, 1961)' which you can watch here at Will's blog. Behold, The Automatic 'Monster'...

Pissing In The Wind

2006-08-20T15:52:00.000+01:00

Another Badly Drawn Boy video starring her royal highness Joan Collins...

Well done to Ben for reminding me of it.

I found it I found it!

2006-08-18T12:12:00.000+01:00

I love this video. This is the video to the Badly Drawn Boy track I posted in which the bearded one is a New York taxi. It'll warm your cockles...

Open Wide...

2006-08-17T18:06:00.000+01:00

I had my six-monthly trip to the dentist today. First off I had a de-scale and polish with the hygienist. It was a hygienist I hadn't seen before and my usual one just gets on at scraping and proding away without talking. But this one was all about the chat and it was a real test of how many different noises I can make with her hands in my mouth. Turns out I have noises for "really?", "cool", "oh wow that sounds lovely", "a springer spaniel, amazing, who knew?". I imagine they all sound pretty similar to the untrained ear, but the woman is a professional and no doubt deciphering these noises is all part of the training.

She's great I love her. She told me all about her last trip to Scotland, how she saw all the wildlife she wanted to, including an otter which caught a crab which it took to the shore to eat. Then she watched it for a further hour and forty minutes while it caught more and more food. Then I discovered that her family had lived in Colorado for a year when she was 7 and they had a white Christmas but that her sister is 2 years younger and doesn't remember it. More recently she stopped over in Toronto for a day en route to somewhere else and she thought it to be a wonderful place (and I enthusiastically agreed while she buffed away at the back of my mouth) and she'd read a book by the same author as 'The English Patient' had I seen 'The English Patient'? I made noises like "not yet" but apparently I should. Anyway the book was set in Toronto, she thought in the 1920s, and even then it was a very multicultural, tolerant place which meant that there were lots of good places to eat out. I found out more about the life of my new hygienist in those short minutes than I know about some of my friends.

Then I went to the dentist who poked each of my teeth with a stick and said "Given your age (er, excuse me?) it is extremely unlikely you will ever get any decay. You could move into a sweet shop and still be ok". Erm, so why on earth do I need to hand £25 over to you every 6 months then?

Up Up and Away...

2006-08-16T19:01:00.000+01:00

This is the last of the balloon pics. The morning after the night glow we dragged our lazy arses out of bed for the 6am launch. We actually made it up to the camera obscura by about 6.05am and had missed most of it. Bugger. But it was a good atmosphere, there were loads of people there - one family even had a BBQ going! At 6 in the morning! Which made me hungry so we went home and had scrambled eggs.

Balloons...

Bridge and Balloons...

Where's Kees...?

Not so hard to spot stu...

Night Glow!!!!

2006-08-15T16:37:00.000+01:00

As promised enough pictures of balloons to make your eyes bleed. On Thursday night (I know I know I'm such a slacker) we went to the Balloon Fiesta Night Glow!!! It was absolutely spectacular - all the balloons were grounded and then slowly inflated and fired up in time to music...

Hmm, what shall I take pictures of? Balloons, balloons or balloons?

Dark and dead balloons...

Slowly inflating balloons...

Night Glow!!!!

Thoroughly happy with my first night glow AND rare photo of Stu smiling. Well, grinning...

When we got home we trudged up to the camera obscura up by the bridge. The bridge was closed to traffic for the fiesta so Stu managed to get this ace pic...

But it's not over yet, oh no. If you can believe it there are yet more balloon pics to come...

Mr and Mrs Anna

2006-08-15T14:27:00.000+01:00

HUGE congratulations to little Anna and lovely James who got engaged to be married at the weekend!

List Goodness

2006-08-15T09:34:00.000+01:00

Dogga tagged me to do this, it's one of those life experience thingamibobs. I do love a list and I'm a good girl that always does as she's told so...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain - On Dartmoor, not sure it qualifies as a 'mountain' exactly
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula - Yes! Loved it, they're more like little creatures than spiders
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone - Lovely but cramped
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it - Loads
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris - Stu took me when we first got together
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea - Yep
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise - At summer ball, only caught the end of the sunrise tho :(
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa (now closed to the public)
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables - Chillies? They're all I've got room for. And basil.
18. Touched an iceberg - Touched an iceberg lettuce quite a few times. Didn't seem like an 'experience' at the time
19. Slept under the stars - Lots
20. Changed a baby's diaper - Stu's nephew Joshua, stinky little monkey
21. Taken a trip on a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower - Waited for a meteor shower at 4am ON THE WRONG NIGHT. Doh.
23. Got drunk on champagne - LOVE champagne. Lots of times.
24. Given more than you can afford to charity - Yep
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope - Lots
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - It's an affliction. I've had giggling fits at no less than 2 funerals. Luckily giggling fits also look like sobbing.
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger - Yes, when I was 13!!!
30. Had a snowball fight - Loads
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can - Yep
32. Held a lamb - Stroked one at the petting zoo
33. Seen a total eclipse - Yep
34. Ridden a roller coaster - Loads!!
35. Hit a home run - Yay for rounders
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking - Too many times
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment - Lots and lots of times
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced - The funniest time was a flatmate who phoned me and said, with perfect clarity, he was so drunk he couldn't walk and was laying under a bridge somewhere. Could I come find him? He wasn't wrong but could speak perfectly. Weird.
42. Had amazing friends - Right now!
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country - breifly with a man with a HUGE mullet at a street party in Barcelona last year
44. Watched wild whales - Minky whales off Cape Cod
45. Stolen a sign - I spent a whole night carefully taking a huge Jack Daniels banner down from the wall of a club, and neatly rolling it up without being detected but got drunk and forgot it. I also stole one of those cute little yellow lanterns they use on roadworks and took it to a party. But I felt bad and took it back on the way home.
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing - On Portland and Dartmoor
49. Midnight walk on the beach - Lots! Come from Weymouth!
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken for longer than when you were in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds - With Stu. He is a CD-alphabetizing nazi
57. Pretended to be a superhero - At school. Wonderwoman, natch
58. Sung karaoke - Gemma and I do a mean 'Endless Love'
59. Lounged around in bed all day - Of course
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain - Lovely
63. Played in the mud - Messy business
64. Played in the rain - Nowt wrong with a bit of rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken - Yep
69. Toured ancient sites - Pyramids and Roman ruins and stuff
70. Taken a martial arts class - Karate and something I can't remember the name of a few years ago
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch - Last ones were white chocolate and cranberry
78. Won first prize in a costume contest - I bloody should have, I was an oxo cube for god's sake
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage - Too many times for someone with very little acting talent. Most hilariously at the Edinburgh Festival!!! A cheerful play about the last woman to be burned to death in England. I was her hateful best friend.
85. Been to Las Vegas - Yes it was ACE!! We saw Seigfreid and Roy and stayed at the Flamingo Hilton AND the Mirage!! Wild
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship - 'Cruise ship' is stretching it a bit but it was a Cruise from Cyprus to Egypt
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
10. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge - Went there but didn't walk it
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking - EVERY time I get in the car. The last time being yesterday
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray - In Florida
110. Broken someone's heart - Over a decade ago! We were babies, but he did make quite a fuss about it
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone - Broke my finger trying to hit Stu and missing. It was only a jokey whack, still not sure how I did it
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced - Belly button
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol - Clay pigeon shooting
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse - Once when I was a small child - my face tripled in size so you couldn't see my eyes. Slightly allergic.
119. Had major surgery - Not really major just gromits in my ear holes
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours - I'm sure
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi - Yup, yummy
128. Had your picture in the newspaper - Yup, most recently for a science fair. Cringe.
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about - I think they were probably just humouring me to shut me up
130. Gone back to school - I'm going to be a student forever if I can manage it
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach - I petted a huge beetle last weekend, I've never come across a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read - Homer! Went to night-school to study Ancient Greek last year. Too much homework :(
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language - Learnt sign language years ago
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream - Quite often really I suppose
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair - Had a stall at a public science fair in the centre of Bristol does that count? God I hate this thing I'm such a loser
146: Dyed your hair - Not too sure what my natural hair colour is. Dyed my own hair (with Anna's help) until I accidently dyed it bright yellow (without Anna's help) a few years back. Now I get professionals to do it.
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

If I haven't answered it I haven't done it!

BA Cancels All Flights To America

2006-08-15T09:09:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Anna for that which made me laugh out loud. I'm still giggling over it now. Too funny.

Room With A View

2006-08-10T18:49:00.000+01:00

Usually it's all about the front of the flat. That's where stuff happens, parking disputes, topless sunbathing, fighting lovers, boys who have no idea I'm sat out on the balcony talking about their girlfriends' sexual habits...yesterday there was even one of those machines that munches up trees and spits out wood chip parked in the road munching trees and making a lot of noise about it. But the back of the flat has been where it's at over the last few days. Firstly the moon has been unbelievably bright and Stu has managed to get some spectacular pics...

And secondly, this week is one of my favourite weeks of the year...Balloon Fiesta!!! On Tuesday morning we were woken up by the sound of hot air balloons being fired up - it's surprising how loud they are - looked out the window and saw the sky crammed with hot air balloons at 6.30am!!! Who knew we had such a good view of the flight path...

Expect many many more pics of hot air balloons over the next few days...

Men with Guitars and Virgins with Babies

2006-08-10T12:55:00.000+01:00

On Monday night (god it's Thursday already and I'm still going on about Monday night what a slacker) the vet and stu and I went to an open mic night at our old local (which is a very cool pub being as it is both a pub and a small theatre). I half expected a right load of old chaff but I was pleasantly surprised to hear a series of men with guitars who were all really rather good. AND this particular pub has started serving vanilla cheesecake with chocolate fudge sauce. Well done them. It was some good cheesecake.

The standard of men-with-guitars actually got better with each man. Certainly the correct way round as the first man-with-guitar was extremely nervous and would never have been able to follow the last man-with-guitar. The second man-with-guitar sang a great song about working for the council "the best thing about working for the council is the work/life balance" which pleased us. Another thing that pleased us was that one of the best men-with-guitars was called Marco but he looked like Dr Bruce Banner and when his guitar started to feedback we were hopeful he would go green and bust right out of his shirt. Sadly he managed to keep his cool. Looking forward to going back next week but they could do with a bit of variety, maybe a woman with a guitar or at least a man with a different instrument.

Also on Monday Anna sent me her pics of Damien Hirst's 35-ft tall, 13.5 ton statue 'The Virgin Mother'. She saw it over the weekend on a trip to the Royal Academy of Arts in London (where she now lives cos she's way cooler than me).

I'm not really into Damien Hirst, or modern art at all really, but I really like this a lot. I think it's very beautiful and if I thought the balcony would take the strain I'd get over there with my cheque book. But loads of people HATE it, which I was surprised at because it's just a body after all, and really internal organs and muscles and bones are pretty amazing and people shouldn't be disgusted by them. I mean it is pretty disgusting to see them exposed if it's by a violent means, that's a fairly natural reaction, but it's not like this is red and slimey or anything. If Sir Professor Lord Doctor Robert Winston was there with a 3D computer animation of cross-sections of a pregnant woman no-one would bat an eyelid. I'm not saying everyone has to like it but I just do not understand being offended by it...

"It's not appropriate. There are pregnant women in this neighborhood. And this is a restaurant. You hungry now?"
Ansel Sheilds, New York

"Virgin Mother should be removed straightaway and those responsible for placing it here should be fired or whatever is done with reckless, imbecilic billionaires"
Jerry Saltz, artnet

"I don't like Hirst's sculpture at all...I'm fed up with seeing sculptures of pregnant women"
Fiona Townsend, Suffolk

"This is disgusting. What is the purpose?"
Baramee Prapusakpitak, Thailand

I just think it's weird how people seem most offended by the most natural things in the world like sex, nakedness, viscera, pregnancy...? Maybe I'm completely off the mark here. Maybe because I work in an anatomy department and I'm used to seeing stuff like that (well ok, not quite like that) it doesn't bother me. Maybe because I've got a bit too much time on my hands I've successfully worked myself up into a frenzy about nothing. Discuss...

Some Treats For Your Ears

2006-08-09T10:20:00.000+01:00

I have recently discovered The Archie Bronson Outfit who have a great name and also beards. This is my fav track 'Cherry Lips' from 'Derdang Derdang'...

Upload music at Bolt.

They are playing at the End of The Road Festival soon along with Badly Drawn Boy so I thought I'd post this too, primarily for Barbara B who I think will like it given her comments on Will's excellent music review blog...

Upload music at Bolt.

Party Party Party

2006-08-07T17:51:00.000+01:00

Stu and I went down Devon way for a party party party at the weekend. It was at his friend's house in the utter middle of nowhere. He'd arranged for us to stay on a farm which was frankly a little alarming. We were greeted by a couple of mental-looking hounds, one of which had its head permanently tilted to one side and went round filling its mouth with rocks, swirling them round, then spitting them out. Nutter. We were shown to our room and we asked about keys - she just grinned and said we don't use keys round here. Eeks.

Being a Westcountry girl Devon brought out the absolute worst in my Westcountry accent, at one point I actually said " 'ark at they crickets". Such a bumpkin.

The party was really good, one the blokes has a micro-brewery and had brought along 10 gallons of beer. God it was amazing, really fruity and hoppy. Nicest beer I've ever had. And being in the middle of nowhere the music was up good and loud all night. AND they had swing ball!!! I know how to party.

Down on the farm...

This Is A Test

2006-08-04T17:21:00.000+01:00

Upload music at Bolt.

This is a test. And is also my favourite song at the moment. Let me know if it works or not. Ta very much.

The F Word

2006-08-03T18:07:00.000+01:00

I thoroughly enjoyed my night of crappy tv watching and fell asleep wrapped up in one of the minks (they're not real minks they're very furry throws from Woolworths) somewhere in the middle of Big Brother. One of the highlights was The F Word. Sigh. Gordon you can come round to my kitchen and shout at me any time you like my darling.

Giles Coren had discovered Pimp My Snack. To pimp a snack it must first be deconstructed then recreated monster size. Thus...

Oreo

Rolo

Custard Cream

How totally brilliant! The deconstruction is the tricky bit because the snack should be made of the same stuff as the original - you can't just go making a big cake that looks like a snack. I'm amazed people can be bothered. So Giles set about making a giant Jaffa cake. Gordon said it was fucking disgusting which made me giggle. I'm so pathetic.

It's actually pretty relevant that I should be posting about the F Word as I'm in the process of trying to give it up. As in, giving up the actual F word in conversation. Like the delectable Gordon I use it far too much and I'm trying to stop. So a swear box has been started at 20p a time. Today's total is 60p which is great except I've been working from home and have barely spoken to a soul all day. In fact the balance reached 60p during one telephone conversation with the vet. Fucking terrible.

Reasons to be cheerful

2006-08-02T18:53:00.000+01:00

All I've really done so far this week is work and sleep so I have very little to report! And I've been a bloody miserable little toad today. The boss has been on at me about how much work I've got to do so that put me in a foul mood. The Vet sent me a text saying 'cheer up fuckface' which actually did go some way to cheering me up. But I'm ok now because I went and got a bag of hot salty chips and a bottle of ice cold beer. And some cookies. But I might actually pop before I get round to the cookies. And I'm going to sit on the sofa and watch crap TV until I fall asleep. Bliss.

Another reason to be cheerful is that the lab that the Vet and I work in has finished being renovated and IT'S GOT AIR CONDITIONING!!! It's like a fridge in there and it's bloody great.

Yet another reason to be cheerful is that I bought a huge bamboo on the weekend and it's sprung to life and is GORGEOUS. Look at it. I love it.

There's no place like home

2006-07-31T19:59:00.000+01:00

Went home to sunny Weymouth at the weekend to visit ma and pa.

A funny thing happened the other week - Stu started jogging. He has been making empty threats to start jogging for some years, but now he's actually doing it. And not just half-heartedly, but up at 6.30am!! Which is how I ended up on the beach with him and Gem Gems at stupid o'clock on Saturday morning. They went for a jog along the beach while I sat on my lazy arse and took pics. Far more sensible.

Then on Saturday evening we went to Chris and Claire's for a BBQ which was AMAZING. Chris is such a good cook - he did these thai kebab things which were LUSH. Played with Millie the dog lots - she needs the exercise 'cos she's on a diet to get rid of her big bum!!! Bless.

But as is typical round these parts it started pissing it down...

How cute do Stu and Chris look? Like two beer-drinking peas in pod.

Snap Crackle and Pop

2006-07-27T19:55:00.000+01:00

AAAaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Well get me, I've just come back from my second ever massage and it was bloody great. I had my first one a couple weeks ago and I nearly leapt off the table it was so painful. Who knew I was so full of knots and such like? I'm so crunchy! She worked out a load of huge knots, just sort of wiggling them around until they started to go. And the noises! The scrunching and popping is really pretty alarming.

But today it was SO much better. There were still quite a few crunchy bits going on in my neck and shoulders, actually a couple of massive boulders too, but it was nowhere near as painful. It's actually really pretty weird because I can feel her pushing all these little things around, the size of pebbles, and it's not exactly comfortable but it's a very satisfying sensation. With all this going on it doesn't seem like it can be relaxing in any way at all but I swear I looked like some sort of Moomin when I came out. My eyes were like saucers and I felt like I was dreaming. I'm really not sure I was fit to drive home.

And it has done something good to tiny mind. I've had a real block about the thesis chapter I'm trying to get somewhere near finishing and I came straight home and bashed a load out. Incredible. Time for a shower now though. The oil she used smells great but I'm one greasy little monkey so better sort that before I sit on the sofa or I'll just slip right off...

THAT'S a knife!

2006-07-27T18:59:00.000+01:00

From BBC news...

An 80-year-old woman pulled a 'Crocodile Dundee' when she confronted a burglar, telling him: "You call that a knife - this is a knife"

Winifred Whelan, from Liverpool, awoke to find a man standing by her bed with a 10in (25cm) knife, demanding money

Ms Whelan, who weighs 8st (50kg), sprang into action after two men broke into her home in Walton in the early hours of the morning...

"He had a 10 inch knife so I pointed my knife at his belly and said to him, 'You call that a knife, this is a knife'"

Go old lady go!

She's Leaving Home

2006-07-26T10:26:00.000+01:00

Wednesday morning at five o'clock as the day begins
Silently closing her bedroom door
Leaving the note that she hoped would say more
She goes downstairs to the kitchen clutching her hankerchief
Quietly turning the backdoor key
Stepping outside she is free.
She (We gave her most of our lives)
is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives)
home (We gave her everything money could buy)

Sigh. Today is the day Gem Gems leaves to go save childrens lives in deepest Somerset. I'm not too happy about this and just to cheer me up she MSNed me the above lyrics this morning. Sob. But I musn't be selfish and I must think of the children. The children of Yeovil need her. Missing you already chick pea :(

Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall...

2006-07-25T21:15:00.000+01:00

Can there be few sights more exciting than this?

No. I don't think there can be. It was like a mirage before my sweaty eyeballs (even my eyeballs are sweating in this god-awful heat).

Also yesterday Stu and I discovered we have a new favourite coffee shop. For no other reason than the ceiling looks like this...

Actually there is quite a significant other reason...they sell baked vanilla cheesecake. The best of all the cheesecakes. Nowhere else in the vicinity sells anything other than creepy rubber-based cheesecake. I haven't actually tried it yet but I reckon anywhere with such great decor must know a thing or two about cheesecake. It's all very exciting.

Hi Ho Silver Lining

2006-07-24T15:13:00.001+01:00

Well I was supposed to go a festival that I REALLY wanted to go to at the weekend, and right now I'm supposed to be at a conference I REALLY wanted to attend (sad I know BUT 'disco' was scheduled as part of the programme so I was pretty excited) but being the sickly wee beast I am I couldn't do either of those things cos I was busy dying a slow boring death.

But even big dark clouds have silver linings and this one came in the form of a visit from little Anna! Yay!! AND she brought me flowers! Yay!

Gems Gems came over too and dragged my arse out of the flat to go for noodles. Oh and lest I forget the white chocolate and ginger cheesecake I had after. Oh good lord I can't tell you how good that stuff is. I f**king love a cheesecake.

Touching wood, fingers crossed and all that jazz, I think I might be on the mend so normal service should resume shortly.

Just call me Bill Gates...or someone else who knows stuff about computers

2006-07-24T12:06:00.000+01:00

Woohoo! All by my self I found out how to link stuff in the text of my blog. Being something of a techno flid this is no mean feat. So now when I want to link stuff, you lazy arses will no longer have to cut and paste the address, you can just click on the goddamn link! It's wild. So I might want to say, "remember that funny video of yoga for the heart? Well bugger me if it's not right here!". Brilliant.

Whoops

2006-07-21T09:58:00.000+01:00

My fruit bowl sits on a low window ledge in my kitchen which leads directly out onto the balcony, thus...

I went for a banana and dislodged an apple that quite literally jumped out of the bowl and rolled very quickly and very purposefully across the balcony. I watched it go, banana in hand, thinking "it's fine cos there's no way it will fit through..." and over it went. Gone. Fitting perfectly through the gap in the bottom of the ironwork. Eek. It's quite a drop and I had been out on the balcony moments earlier watering the flowers and had seen the landlord's elderly father going to and from his car so I became pretty scared that I'd just killed the poor old soul with my apple. It didn't sound like I'd killed him, I didn't hear a body slump or anything. But still I just waited for a good 5 minutes not wanting to implicate myself by looking worriedly over the edge. But when I did look it was fine. No bodies just my apple, still intact, a little way down the street. Phew. The landlord's dad lives to see another day. I'm going to have to get me some sort of fencing to protect my neighbours from other errant pieces of fruit.

Next Line...

2006-07-20T12:09:00.000+01:00

"The rumour's spreading round that she cooks in the nude
But she don't care, she don't care."

Hopefully with all the appropriate apostrophes in place. Phew.

New Game...

2006-07-19T17:09:00.000+01:00

Today's lyrics game is brought to you by none other than the amazing Anna...

'The rumours spreading round that she cooks in the nude.'

Anyone can play, just name that tune. No looking on google or otherwise cheating. With each day that passes another line is posted.

Graduation Day

2006-07-18T18:40:00.000+01:00

On one of the hottest most blistering days of the year Dr Gem Gems donned a suit and gown and got herself graduated.

NOT the coolest outfit ever...

Terrible photo but good view of the 'do...

Ma and Pa came up for the day and the ceremony was nowhere near as hot or boring as it could have been. So proud of little Gem Gems!!! We had a really nice day, topped off with a really nice curry, as I believe is traditional on these occasions.

So, the new 'do. I'm actually starting to love it. Not sure having big blocks of white hair is all that professional, so it's definitely not permanent, but it's certainly got a couple more weeks reprieve before it all goes dark again. And I kind of thought that what with blondes having more fun I'd start having a little bit more fun but nothing doing so far. Maybe fushia pink should be the next colour change...

This is driving me bonkers now

2006-07-14T17:00:00.000+01:00

"You sleep, too deep, one week is another world,
Big mouth, drop out, you get what you deserve
You're strange, insane, one thing you can never change"

The thing is I can kind of hear it. It's sending me mental. It's all I think about night and day.

Oops

2006-07-13T22:40:00.000+01:00

You know you've made a mistake at the hairdressers when the local homeless guy takes one look at you and says "what have you done?" with a look of genuine concern. Ah well. Live and learn, heal and grow etc etc.

In my defence I was very hungover on account of yet again being shitfaced in the name of Gem Gems birthday/being a little doctor malark (now in its third week - good skills on her part). And the hair man kept saying 'progressive' and 'chunks of colour' and 'much shorter' and I just kept nodding and trying not to fall asleep.

What a couple of lushes

Special

Cool as one of them cucumbers

How does Stu always manage NOT to make a tit of himself while everyone around him is falling about like loons?

Next Line

2006-07-12T13:31:00.000+01:00

"You sleep, too deep, one week is another world,
Big mouth, drop out, you get what you deserve"

Oh. My. God.

2006-07-12T09:50:00.000+01:00

I just got given the glad eye off Andrew Lincoln.

Well. Maybe.

It definitely was Andrew Lincoln (he is in the show that the hideous people off the telly were filming on my corridor) but was he giving me the glad eye?

I was walking to work through the square, he was crossing the road in front of me and we made eye contact. I thought "You look like Andrew Lincoln" so I turned back to confirm my sighting and HE WAS STILL LOOKING AT ME. He could have been checking out my beautiful umbrella decorated with small horses. Or he could have been wondering what the hell I was doing with a brolly on a scorching day like today.

Happy Birthday Gem Gems

2006-07-10T21:44:00.000+01:00

Thursday night marked the beginning of several days worth of birthday/qualification celebrations for Gem Gems.

Champagne, more Pimms (truly, no mint plants were harmed in the making of the Pimms), bottle of wine on the terrace of the Avon Gorge overlooking the suspension bridge, champagne in Perry's on Friday, lots of vodka and dancing, BBQ with yet more champagne and sangria on Saturday.

We threw some top quality shapes on Friday night to such quality tunes as Footloose, I'm Still Standing, Jesus He Knows Me, and Club Tropicana. It was an hilarious night. A stag party attached themselves to us but refused to believe a word we said.

"So what do you do?"

"I'm doing a PhD in science stuff"

"So you're like a scientist?"

"Yes"

"Oh yeah I know your sort. You say you're a scientist but actually you're a scientist in that you're like, a hang-glider"

"Eh?"

"You're a scientist in the same way that they're scientists" (Points at two policemen)

"They're policemen"

"Exactly"

Sadly for Stu he missed all of this having gone off sailing with some friends. Rodney got dolled up in his best most jaunty sailor outfit but Stu forgot to take him.

Game no.3

2006-07-10T21:24:00.000+01:00

"You sleep, too deep, one week is another world"

Set by Gem Gems. Another line when you're ready please.

And another one

2006-07-10T12:04:00.000+01:00

"I know you are almost in love with me,
I can see it in your eyes.
Strange light shimmering over the sea tonight,
And it almost blows my mind"

Another Line

2006-07-09T21:41:00.000+01:00

So far we've got...

"I know you are almost in love with me,
I can see it in your eyes."

Next line is...

"Strange light shimmering over the sea tonight,"

My New Favourite Thing

2006-07-09T12:25:00.000+01:00

Gem Gem came over on Thursday night. She bought this absolute beauty back from her holiday for me...

I love her. And she's better than I can ever convey because she is actually encrusted with many tiny red LEDs that light up and sparkle. So special.

Another Day Another Line

2006-07-08T13:01:00.000+01:00

"...I can see it in your eyes..."

Game no.2

2006-07-07T14:02:00.000+01:00

Gem Gems wins game number 1.

"I know you are almost in love with me..."

Game On

2006-07-07T11:34:00.000+01:00

"Children behave that's what they say when we're together..."

Bit concerned this is too easy.

Yoga For The Heart

2006-07-06T16:15:00.000+01:00

Everyone needs some yoga for the heart from time to time. Lucky then that this man exists. You need sound on. It is hilarious and terrifying in equal measure. Mum - you have to watch this you will LOVE it.

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2006/05/laughing_yogi.mpeg

Very many thanks to beautiful hil for this. I promise I will stop with the links soon but this is BRILLIANT. I'm going to make a special effort to incorporate yoga for the heart into my daily routine.

Open Letter To Dr Laura

2006-07-06T15:53:00.000+01:00

Open letter posted on the internet to Laura Schlessinger, controversial American agony aunt type person...

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Fainting Goats

2006-07-05T13:00:00.000+01:00

Right, I think I need to lift the mood a little. Apparently some people were upset by Monday's post. To clarify, I am not chronically lonely but didn't have a conversation with an actual human all day on Monday becuase everyone who's anyone is on away. BUT then on Monday evening the lovely AC came over for some Pimms (which I definitely did not raid the vet's mint plant for honest guv) so I talked her to death and felt much better. So after that, and of course yesterday, some light entertainment...

http://www.qarxis.com/Fainting_Goats

With thanks to the sublime little Anna for supplying the link

In Loving Memory

2006-07-04T21:36:00.000+01:00

Today was Mick's memorial service. There's really nothing I can say so I think I'll just leave it at that.

Hell Is Other People

2006-07-03T10:51:00.000+01:00

Up til the wee small hours discussing Michael Douglas on msn with gem gems, then couldn't sleep. Wide awake at 4.14am. Utter rubbish. Feel rough as a badgers arse today.

Work is SO BORING. I so lonely. And I was skulking into work feeling sorry for myself when some hateful knobhead asked me for directions. Not known for my navigational skills I apologised, with a smile, that I did not know where the building he required was but that the map over the road contained a list of all the buildings in the vicinity and I felt sure it would be listed there...but before I could finish he rolled his eyes, put his hand up to stop me talking, and walked off.

I think what he meant to say was "thank you for your very polite attempt at helping me with my total ineptitude but I have already seen the map you mentioned and it has been of no help to me, probably because I roll my eyes at every little inconvenience that comes my way so I can't actually see properly"

Then the people off the telly turned up at work AGAIN. They need a white corridor for 30 seconds of footage and it has taken weeks to sort it. An actress is going to walk down the corridor to a man sat right outside my office. They keep turning up and discussing all this very loudly outside the office. And yet no one has actually told anyone this is going to be happening, I've got all my info from ear-wigging. Then today a photography man turned up and started taking pictures of the corridor from INSIDE MY OFFICE without even acknowledging I was sat there trying to concentrate! How rude! All this accompanied by ridiculously loud drilling from above and below. So, mad as a bag of spiders, I stalked off home in a huff. That definitely showed them.

Ever Fallen In Love

2006-07-02T16:59:00.000+01:00

This dress stopped me in my tracks and I fell in love. I now own it in chocolate brown. How much it cost me is on a need-to-know basis.

I got the brown because they didn't have a yellow in my size. BUT this very one here in the window IS my size, and now my name is in the little book called 'things in the window that customers want'. SO, I can change the brown one for the one in the window in about 2 weeks time.

Questions...

(to those in the know) Is it worth what I paid for it?
Should I just take it right back and get my money back?
Is it suitable for Gem Gem's graduation?
Should I change the brown for the yellow?

Factors to consider...

The brown goes with more including my brown leather knee-high boots (and therefore a dress for all seasons), my little gold ballet-type shoes, my tan flip-flop things, my pink bejewelled tortoise shoes (pictured below as a special treat for those who've never had the good fortune to see such amazing shoes).

More factors...

The yellow is more summery and therefore more suitable for a summer graduation.
Stu thinks the yellow looks like I should be saying 'more coffee?' with a big beehive hairdo and a pencil behind my ear.
Not sure I have shoes to go with the yellow.

Help.

3 Good Things

2006-06-30T12:30:00.000+01:00

My radio alarm clicked on at exactly the right moment for this... "I don't want nobody else I love you" " She's lying" " There won't be somebody else and that's truuueeee" "She's lying" "Say you'll always be my friend sweet darling" "Why does she preteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend?" which pleased me greatly.

AND I saw Habitat have a sale on. No big deal, their stuff is vastly overpriced anyway. BUT...they've dug out all their christmas stuff and put it into a big clearence sale!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

AND I got that nice new 'puter.