Something fishy
Some fish I met...
They belong to Stu's mum and are the weirdest fish ever. One of them was looking at me, looking totally normal, but turned the other way and has only got one eye. And the thing is it's not like it's got a hole where the eye socket should be, it's just a flat gold surface.
Another one has got some sort of hideous, ridged, purple, brain-like structure on top of its head. It's massive. And it's very sly looking, like it's plotting world domination form right there in its little tank.
I don't know a lot about fish, but I'm fairly sure they shouldn't float. One of them floats and its life is a constant struggle against floating. It swims and swims, furiously, and as soon as it stops swimming it shoots straight up to the surface and bobs, upsidedown, until it can be arsed swimming again. What a life.
They belong to Stu's mum and are the weirdest fish ever. One of them was looking at me, looking totally normal, but turned the other way and has only got one eye. And the thing is it's not like it's got a hole where the eye socket should be, it's just a flat gold surface.
Another one has got some sort of hideous, ridged, purple, brain-like structure on top of its head. It's massive. And it's very sly looking, like it's plotting world domination form right there in its little tank.
I don't know a lot about fish, but I'm fairly sure they shouldn't float. One of them floats and its life is a constant struggle against floating. It swims and swims, furiously, and as soon as it stops swimming it shoots straight up to the surface and bobs, upsidedown, until it can be arsed swimming again. What a life.
posted by karen at 10:50 PM
11 Comments:
LOOOL! Very funny - Bizarre fish or what... Yes, I reckon they are planning to take over world, just like the Warner Brothers Pinky and the brain:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinky_and_the_Brain
The floating fish must have trapped wind! Maybe add some peppermint to the water to ease this! :)
Yes! Exactly like Pinky and the Brain! I was going to say that but thought no one would know what the hell I was on about. Pinky and the Brain is one of the best things on telly, with one of the best theme tunes too :)
Peppermint is a good idea but why spoil the fun?
OLAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Hello hello. I have escaped from the mothership for half an hour....where do i start....er i suppose i should be nice cos she may read this one day....Mum is somewhat trying of my patience at times and the one observation i have made that stands out from all the others is her incessant self commentary. Imagine if you will....."Ooo I´ve just been thinking I´m a bit thirsty, think i´ll have a drink...now where´s that water...ah there it is...yeah i´ll have this water then i won´t feel as thirsty...cos i dont like to feel thirsty....mmm that´s better...i´ll put the bottle down there on this table, it´s a nice table, then next time i´m thirsty, and you know how thirst affects me, i´ll know where it is and i can have another sip...now where did i leave the lid...damn it i´ve lost the lid...gemma, where´s the lid...gemma....gemma....oh i can´t find the lid...now when was the last place i had it....oh i remember i was thirsty and i said to gemma.........." and so it goes on
Having a nice holiday by the way. After i had made sure mum was not injured in any way following her tumble, i laughed so much that the next day my oblique abdominal muscles ached. Weather is nice..have established that mum is affected by....movement, colour, humidity, heat etc etc. Going to a show tonight that I am fairly sure is going to be dreadful. Is face monster better? I do hope so xxxxxxx
OLLLAAAA! Hehehehe! Very funny! Glad you're having a good time but re. the self-commentary I feel your pain.
Don't want to speak too soon but currently face monster is happier than he's been for months. I heart erythromycin.
Enjoy the 'show'. Sounds a bit ominous. Will it be a siegfried and roy-type thing? Miss u xxxxxxxxx
Oh karen our hotmail paths have crossed like ships in the night unfortunately. I´m very happy to hear about your face, makes me a happy gemma. And i think it was all my idea to get oral. Oh yes. I´m in muchos trouble cos i´ve been gone for nearly an hour! ha ha ha. When anyone speaks to mum in spanish she puts both thumbs in the air, smiles and says "alo" (instead of ola) or "it´s ok"...it´s soooo funny. but you were spot on, I´ve paid for and organised pretty much everything. And she was mute on the plane which was great.
Before anyone says anything I will just relay the following conversation from last weekend...
Mum: So when is your appointment?
Me: Next Wednesday
Mum: So do you think he'll give you oral?
Stu grins
Gemma: No Dr Fielding's not that nice
Everyone falls about laughing
Mum: Oh bollocks to the lot of you, you know what I meant. Do you think he'll give you oral antibiotics. I don't know why I bother
And a running joke is born
LOL - I wish my mum would say stuff like "Oh bollocks to the lot of you!"
Dogga believe me that is far from the worst of it. She is an absolute potty mouth. Tho 'bollocks' is certainly her most favourite word. She may be tiny but she's got a gob on her.
Bugger. Just wrote a humerous extremely long message then pressed publish and it crashed. Very pissed off. I will try to remember the key points cos i cant be arsed to write it all again. the´show´ last night consisted of dancers, illusionists, jugglers etc etc. to sum it up...we picked up the rest of the coachload from magaluf..we were sat on a table with 8 old folk, one of whom was rita mark 2 i swear sat with her elderly father...and all she did all night was say "you like chicken dont you dad? roasties are nice aren´t they dad? wines nice dad isnt it dad? eh dad? alright dad? you like a dancer dont you dad?"....at one point towards the beginning of the evening i got the giggles at the absurdity of it all and started crying with laughter while the rest of the table looked on. the meal, ah yes....appetizers: i onion ring, one potato croquette, one slice of processed cheese, one slice of biscuit based pizza, 2 x ´dates with bacon´...glass of cava...starter of prawns with marie rose sauce and iceburg....main of HALF a chicken with no sauce or anything with 5 spherical deep fried roast potatoes and iceburg.....dessert of a slab of icecream with frozen berries...and a bottle each of blanc de blancs which i swear tasted just like polish....on the way home the rep started a highly enjoyable singalong..."show me the way to go home, i´m stuck here on magaluf beach, i lost my bikini bout an hour ago and its gone right out of reach...la la la....so get me a copy of the news of the world (why?) and show me the way to go home"....needless to say mum´s raucous participation was so loud i needed to move seats. the most hilariously awful night of our lives. now if this crashes again i´m gonna go mental.
oh. my. god.
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