Bloody Mother F**king Asshole
Well. That didn't take long. The back wheel of my bike has been stolen. I'm furious. I mean, what the f**k? Who steals the back wheel of a bike? Ok maybe someone who'd had their wheel stolen but really that's no excuse. And I feel really bad cos it's not even my bike it's Stu's. F**ker. I can't believe it. Absolute wanker. Crap like this makes me hate Bristol. I'm getting really good at getting stuff stolen for people. I'd already got my sister's whole bike stolen after she loaned it to me last year. It didn't even last the weekend. And my car, my crappy little Toyota that's 9 years old. The stereo is an old knackered cassette player, I leave the glove box open so you can see it's empty, and take the front off the stereo and never ever leave anything on show. Nothing for anyone to steal. So what do they do? They steal the parcel hatch, the interior light AND THE CARPET THAT LINES THE BOOT. Unbe-f*cking-lievable. That was last year but I'm still mad about it, mostly because it was just so bloody pointless. People round here are utter shitheads who just steal stuff because they can.
So now I have to get the poor thing fixed which will cost about £60. Honestly it was so sad seeing it lying there, crippled. I there I was looking like a total moron, helmet in one hand, saddle in the other (cos I take my saddle with me SO IT DOESN'T GET THIEVED), mouth open like a bloody goldfish. And I mean, it was the back wheel with all the cogs and stuff so they must have come with tools. What a lot of effort to go to. It would have been less effort to go out, earn the £60, and BUY YOUR OWN BLOODY WHEEL COCKHEAD.
What did make me feel better was seeing a couple kissing at a bus stop. They were so engrossed in each other they didn't notice the smelly bearded drunk who'd walked up to them and was watching intently with his face literally inches from theirs. When they eventually parted they were greeted with his toothy grin and request for change for the bus. They were slightly alarmed to find him quite so very close. Had I not been forced to take the bus home I would have missed this little piece of comedy gold.
So now I have to get the poor thing fixed which will cost about £60. Honestly it was so sad seeing it lying there, crippled. I there I was looking like a total moron, helmet in one hand, saddle in the other (cos I take my saddle with me SO IT DOESN'T GET THIEVED), mouth open like a bloody goldfish. And I mean, it was the back wheel with all the cogs and stuff so they must have come with tools. What a lot of effort to go to. It would have been less effort to go out, earn the £60, and BUY YOUR OWN BLOODY WHEEL COCKHEAD.
What did make me feel better was seeing a couple kissing at a bus stop. They were so engrossed in each other they didn't notice the smelly bearded drunk who'd walked up to them and was watching intently with his face literally inches from theirs. When they eventually parted they were greeted with his toothy grin and request for change for the bus. They were slightly alarmed to find him quite so very close. Had I not been forced to take the bus home I would have missed this little piece of comedy gold.
posted by karen at 12:30 PM
11 Comments:
I have a theory. The thief of your back wheel will spend the winter practising his art and then reappear, resplendent in lycra and eccentric make-up, to inflict his unicycle act on festival audiences all through the summer. I hope you remember to drop a little something in his hat.
Holy shit! I'm so sorry to hear about the bikewheel theft, but I have to tell you, I've never seen/heard the word cockhead before, and it threw me into a fit of laughter. Sorry, cause I know you are really upset, and I would be too. I guess you would call that comic relief? That's lovely about the couple. I would've killed myself laughing, or trying not to laugh out loud!
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Stuff like that always happens in Vancouver, bikes are stolen every minute, and its bloody annoying. I had to take my seat in with me, plus use an industrial lock everytime I went to work. Two summers ago, some buggers figured out that they could break this one brand on bike lock using a BIC pen. Who are these people? Its going to cost you 120$ to replace the wheel?? Holy crap.
Condolences, really.
Oh Kees, I'm sorry to hear that. I was reading an article in the paper last week and it said that Bristol is now in the top 10 UK cities for drug related crimes.
What beats me is what are they expecting to make by stealing the back wheel of a bike ? A couple of quid maybe ? That won't even be enough for these arseholes to make a hit.
That sucks! I have had my locked bike stolen. Now I have a crappy bike that no one would steal and I lock the back wheel to the bike stand but still you never know.
My bit of news is... I am dating a guy from the UK. Manchester area to be specific. He has been in Canada 20 years but he still has that fantastic accent. There is something about a british accent...
Oh and he looks like a rock star....
A british rock star. Oh well :-)
What's wrong with these people? If you have to steal something to buy crack, make it something a little more fenceable, not somebody's ride home. Arsewipes!
And a trunk carpet? Are your thieves all retarded in Bristol, or just perverted?
Poor little bike : {
Perhaps we should regress to the good old days when a bike was just a chunk of metal shaped as a bike and not so simple to dismantle - back wheels (along with saddles, handlebars, etc. etc.) seem just too irresistible... My Aunt had the back wheel taken from her motorbike recently - you'd think that would take a good few minutes of ingenuity...
Lily I like your theory. Very much. It did occur to me I could turn my bike into a unicycle in order to get to work. And oh yes, I certainly will drop a little something in his hat.
I am really upset Mel but already I can see the funny side. Had I been watching and seen me stood there holding my seat and helmet as if to say well what a I supposed to do with these I'd have chuckled. And cockhead is a great word. I use it a lot.
A BIC pen? Wow. I've already got one industrial lock, it was round the front wheel - doh! Apparently back wheels are much more expensive with all the cogs and what not. So gonna get me two industrial locks.
Yikes Ben I didn't know that. How lovely. And you're right they're really not going to make much on it, it wasn't an expensive bike and it's good few years old. Idiots.
Wow Barbara! A British rock star!! All the best rock stars are bred in Manchester - good going! :D
Little bit of both Barb, little bit of both.
From her motorbike? Bloody hell. Was that in Bristol too?
The only thing is kees he does not work as a british rock star only looks like one... lol, but his oldest son is in 4 or 5 punk rock bands in Canada...
Unbelievable! Utter WANKERS! 3, 2, 1 relax
I was pretty pissed off I can tell you. No doubt I'll get pissed off again when I have to pay the repair bill :(
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