Long Walk Off A Short Pier

Tap dancing genius and all round luvvie Lionel Blair (who shares a birthday with me)



and everyone's favourite camp comedian Alan Carr (on the left)



have rescued a suicidal man found hanging by his fingertips to the end of Blackpool Pier. According to Lionel, "We got his hand and said, 'Come on, you don't want to die. You can't do that. Listen to us'. He did a double take, but then said, 'No I want to go'. So I got one arm and you [turning to Alan Carr] got the other."

I LOVE this story. What a couple of heroes. Can you imagine two more unlikely people to be rescued by?

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret

Last week was a busy busy week. Here are some things I did last week when I wasn't working my behind off.

We watched 'Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room'. Not that smart really. Seemed to me they didn't do anything that anyone else wouldn't have thought of, but most other people wouldn't have the nerve and would say something like, "obviously we could...but we won't because it's illegal/stupid/rude/ethically very dubious/doomed to failure". Worth watching just so you can tut and shake your head all smug like.

And my old flatmate came to stay and I haven't seen him for 3 years!!! I lived with him at uni (with Anna too) for 3 years, then he moved in with Stu for a year so we were both pretty chuffed to see him. Clever sod had just handed in his PhD thesis. We went for curry, drank some beers and played James Bond on the X-Box. It was GREAT, I wasn't sure if it would be a bit awkward but it was just like we'd seen him yesterday. It was ace. I hope we don't leave it another 3 years.

Also Stu started a new job!!! They've given him the most exciting laptop I've ever seen. It's got a thumbprint recognition thingy. Lucky bugger. I had a fight on my hands trying to get a new lab book off the witch that guards the department stationary.

We also went to open mic night in the pub, which I love but I was busy making lamb curry so we got there late and only heard the last song. It was worth it though...an acoustic cover of this excellent song by Queens of the Stone Age...


Upload music at Bolt.

Meet the Kees

Barbara posted about a google game where you type in your name + "needs". So I dutifully typed in "Kees needs". Some of the best...

"Kees needs to make the paint accede to his own creed of randomly thrown tone" eh?

"Kees needs $69 million"

"Kees needs some lessons from Larry"

"Kees needs nappies"

All good, but by far my favourite was "Kees needs grooming, not a lot, but at least 3 times a week"

I've always been called Kees by my family and no one can really remember why. We think it started at a party at which there was a really weird freaky geeky girl called Carisse. So naturally my family started calling me Carisse and it evolved from that, as these things do. But turns out...Kees is a dog! There is a breed of dog called the Keeshond which breeders shorten to 'the Kees'.




Apparently "When a Kees needs a home they'll get one". 'Keestalk.net' explains that many humans do not understand a Kees' needs and suggests increasing food for an unhappy Kees. The Kees also needs much less structured exercise and a good brushing at least once a week. One site, helpfully, even has a guide to Kees' expressions...



Brilliant.

Gadget Goodness

Got me a new phone!!! Finally got a new phone to replace the brick I've been carrying round. It's a Motorola Pebl and it's damn cute. It's matt black and very soft and smooth. So cute. Look at the fat little bugger. It's got all the mod-cons, camera, bluetooth, er and some other stuff too.





And while I'm on the subject of gadgets...Stu read about these little monkeys so I sought them out online and I present them to you here. They're like little synthesizers. I want one really quite badly but have no use for one whatsoever. I need to form me an experimental band quick smart.









For a highly technical description of the wee beasts go here. Watch the little critters doing their thing here

One more thing...

This may well only be of interest to Anna but look! It's Izzy from Neighbours! I've be listening to this for weeks and had no idea!!!



Which means that if someone can get Paul Robinson to resurrect his music career they could do a duet. I can't quite believe I found this. Don't it make you feel good...

It's Friday!!!

I've been in a really good mood this week despite rather a few crap things happening. Such as being framed for criminal damage. The vet, being impatient to the point of psychosis, couldn't wait for me to get the key to the chain across the car park and decided to bust it apart snapping one of the links clean in half. Just at that moment the department director of resource and planning came round the corner. So the vet pointed and said "she did it!". I protested, loudly, but the damage had been done. Next day I was well established as the culprit, "The little pink car was the last one in the car park, and when it had gone the chain was broken, that's all I'll say" said the building services guy. All the vet will say is that I drove through the chain in a moment of car park rage. Can you bloody believe it? Cheeky sod. And I've been busy as hell. But I'm still in a good mood. Here are some things that are pleasing me at the moment.

I was just going to post the song as the quality is not great on this BUT check out the drummer's beard!!!


And I know it's pretty tragic that a car advert pleases me so but it does and I'm not ashamed to say it...

Booties

As requested pics of the offending articles...





They look a wee bit on the shiny side but they're not at all. They're very soft. Roll on Autumn!

And relax.

Oh good lord, we're so nearly there. Only got Tuesday and Wednesday to talk about now then mum's birthday is officially over for another year. I'll make it quick. Tuesday we went shopping. I have no money but also no will power. I ended up buying a pair of black leather knee-high boots. I already have two pairs of knee-high boots. I didn't have a black pair. I do now. The thing was they were from Whistles and originally £160 but they were reduced to......£29.99!!!!! I mean, it would have been rude not to. And the leather is SO soft. And the zip goes up the back, not up the side. Controversial eh? I love them but I won't be able to afford to eat all week. Ah well, a small price to pay.

As if that wasn't indulgence enough Wednesday was Spa Day. It was absolute bliss. We had the whole place to ourselves - a heated pool, jacuzzi, sauna and gym, back neck and shoulder massage, foot massage, Spa lunch, Indian head massage, and afternoon tea with little sandwiches and loads of cake. The lunch and the afternoon tea was served at a little table by the pool. We sat there all massaged-up in our robes and our fluffy white slippers and debated whether we'd get bored if we lived like this. I reckoned I could probably put up with it as long as I had little jobs to do in between and as long as I could still cook. Not sure why but the cooking seemed important.

Treatment room - look closely and you can see the iPod charger set into the wall...


Pool with big glass ball

Posh Nosh

I'm still behind with blogging about all the birthday shenanigans. Monday was ma and pa's actual birthday and we went for lunch at by far the poshest place I have ever eaten. One of the starters was 'cod and chips' which I ordered primarily to see what it looked like. I was not disappointed...



I loved it. It's hilarious. The green stuff is 'pea puree'...mushy peas!!!! Genius. Dad and Gemma had a salad that was garnished with pansy flowers - I don't know what I expected them to taste like but they were just like lettuce only much prettier. Then I had calves liver (sorry Allison!) which was beeeooootiful. Never had it before but it was GOOD. After lunch we retired to the drawing room for coffee and chocolates (pretty typical Monday lunch break really).



After thoroughly stuffing ourselves we wobbled off home and lay in food comas until it came time to order pizza, drink fizz and play with the best birthday present ever....Buzz!!! Courtesy of me and Stu. We played it the other week at Andy and Mandy's and it's a lot of music quiz goodness. As birthdays go, not too shabby.

Here, a belated extra present for dearest mum and a treat for everyone else's ears and eyes...

Pair of cake-making geniuses

So Saturday was all about eating, drinking and drawing on tablecloths. Sunday was all about cake-making. We girls KNOW how to party. And not just any cake but 'divine chocolate birthday cake' so says Mary Berry.

It started badly. I opened a cupboard and a pestle and mortar threw themselves at me and smashed on the floor. Good start. So I picked up all the tiny bits of china from off the floor, then picked out all the really teeny bits from under my fingernails.

Gem Gems was whinging quite considerably about the fact the recipe had no flour and was therefore doomed to failure. It was mostly egg white, ground almonds, sugar, and a lot of chocolate, with chocolate and butter to make the icing. Basically heart-attack cake. So when it turned out quite well we were pleasantly surprised and pretty bloody chuffed. We set about decorating it with glace cherries, white chocolate buttons and Belgian truffles. We had it in mind that it would look dead decadent piled high with chocolates and bejeweled with cherries. BUT, in our excitement we did not let the chocolate icing cool sufficiently. And EVERYTHING started to melt into the chocolate and slide off the side of the cake. Genius.

So we jammed it back into the tin from whence it came, shoved it in the fridge and crossed our fingers. It actually didn't come out too bad considering what a hash we made of it and it tasted amazing - so rich it'll make your face sweat kind of affair. It did look like it had been made by a small child, though bless her mum marveled at how the '50' I had painstakingly crafted out of white chocolate buttons had "melded" seamlessly into the icing. A lesson learnt though, patience is a virtue, always let your icing thoroughly cool before loading it with temperature-sensitive confectionery.

Daubings

It seems to me my life must be in a fairly tragic state if I am excited to be posting some crap I drew on a tablecloth. I think my favourites are the various portraits. They make me giggle even now. I love how terrible we've made mum look.

My G & T


Gemma's tree


My portrait of mum


Gemma's portrait of mum


Mum's portrait of gemma


Gemma's portrait of me


By me (clockwise) G&T, Gemma, flower, pig, heart


By me: cow, sheep, boston terrier, butterfly


By Gemma: skeleton, eye, woman that used to work in my mum's shop


By Gemma...where to begin?

Ok draw...

So what is shaping up to be 5 days worth of celebrating for the old goats' birthdays (it's mum's 50th hence all the fuss) kicked off with dinner on Saturday night. When we got there we spotted a jar of crayons on the table but didn't think much of it until the waitress came to take our order and explained we were welcome to draw all over the paper tablecloth, and did we ever...



Little mum keeping busy...


Turns out Gemma and I have the same (miserable, sullen) drawing face...




Er, and also the same drinking face...




More photos of our beautiful artwork to follow...blogger is playing silly buggers and won't upload.

Always the bridesmaid...

Wooohoooooooo! Oh yeah - I'm a f**king bridesmaid!!!! I have NEVER been a bridesmaid and now Anna, in her infinite wisdom, has asked me to be her bridesmaid!!!! When she asked me I was so excited I jumped up and down and banged my head on the light shade.

Tea, cake and platinum chats

Wednesday and Thursday were days of tea-drinking cake-eating and much much gabbling. On Wednesday the lovely Anna came over from the big smoke to pay me a visit and show off her fat new engagement ring, which is very beautiful. I baked chocolate orange cake which we ate in big slices with a huge pot of tea while we completely and utterly put the world to rights (and we are always right). And, of course, watched neighbours. What a way to spend a Wednesday.

Then on Thursday night I went to see one of my supervisors. He is Argentinian. 'Passionate' is a word often used about him. He shouts a lot. I took him and his partner some of the cake. She wasn't there when I first got there and after eating his bit of cake he decided to eat her bit too

"We have saying in Argentina, 'what eyes cannot see heart does not feel'. Which means I can eat her cake".

He also tried to give me her cat who he hates. It sat on my lap sleeping the whole evening but apparently it's 'evil'. Anyway he talked for HOURS...a small bit about work but mostly the beatles, China, horses, women ("why they do the things they do? it is beyond comprehension! why does she leave the video in player when I have told her 25 times? why does she twist the handle when she opens the drawer? she has broken many handles this way! she knows she is doing I think, I think she does just to piss me off" - all the while 'she' is sat there rolling her eyes, slightly awkward). By the time I left my ears were bleeding and I was full of tea and cake.

Anyway I'm in sunny Weymouth for a few days now in celebration of ma and pa's birthday (on the same day!). We're going out for dinner, going shoppping, going out for lunch, going to a spa for the day and drinking yet more tea. Full report soon...